Have you ever cussed before? If yes, when and where and why?
Growing up, I was taught that cussing is very bad and if any of us cussed or say any vulgar words - we would be punished.
Now that I have grown up, things changed. Heh. Read on first before you start assuming things in your head. Hah. These are all my opinions only okay - so even if it is not a popular one and everyone disagrees with me, it is absolutely fine with me - just don't throw eggs at me hah.
I still think that it is not okay to cuss - not out loud anyway. What are the intentions of using cuss words? What is the message that you want to convey by using the cuss words? To make your conversations more dramatic?
Now, I can testify that prior to becoming a mother, I have gotten very frustrated before (to the point of crying) and upset and whatsoever right, but nothing that was able to compare to the intensity of these same emotions after becoming a mother to two kids.
The intensity of those frustrations is usually tripled and I find myself just want to cuss so I could feel better. Don't ask me why and how I got that "idea" that cussing could sort of help take some frustration away - because I don't have the answer to that.
It's funny because it is not something I would usually do or want to do. So, it's a mystery for me too.
Anyways, at times when I needed to let out my frustration (could be caused by kids melting down for the lamest reason or they accidentally hurt me physically while doing something they were told not to do or spilling water all over the floor after I have just cleaned up the house or just upset with certain situations or people), I could not because the kids are with me and watching.
So, I would run (okay maybe not run so dramatic but go) to my room, plant my face deep into a pillow, and shout really loud (but muffled) and long, "f***!!!!"
Of course, before doing that, I will make sure that the kids are not in the same room with me.
Or sometimes I will go to the toilet (or anywhere with no one else around), and let out a whispered but firm frustrated cuss. And yes, I will feel much better after that - almost instantly. I don't know what is the magic behind it la, to be honest. I just know that it works and I will feel much better after that.
Having said that, I realized that it was slowly becoming like a "habit" (I don't get that kind of intense frustration often okay please ah) and every time I had to let out a cuss, I felt bad. My mind would start thinking of other ways to "let off" an instant frustration but this seems to work the best. This means I will not end up screaming at my kids or intentionally starting an unnecessary argument with Adrian.
And I finally came to a justification (for me) to be okay (and not feel bad) for needing to use the f*** word in silence.
And that is, as long as my intention of cussing is not to hurt someone else, and not to cause anyone to stumble and no one is hearing it (except God I guess heh) - then it is okay. I always only do it in the secret anyways.
For me, I will always ask myself if I want Alex and Sofia to cuss (at any point in their life) and my answer is absolute no. At least not with the intention to hurt someone or to stumble people around them.
FYI - You don't appear 'cooler' if you normalize using the cuss words. You also don't appear 'screwed up' if you use them. I would like to think that it is something that people sort of adapt to when they surround themselves with people who say it out in the open and somehow it has become like a language in itself. Maybe can like do self-control wan la. You know like how people spend some time in western country then when they come back here, their accent still remains western-ish? Can turn off wan la right. Self-control ni ma heh.
I have friends who cuss out loud in their conversations and I love them the same as my friends who do not. So, don't be passing judgments around.
It's like smoking I guess. It's a habit that is hard to break and it is addictive. Hello, sometimes when I get frustrated a little also, I will go somewhere quiet and alone and say, "f***!". So I totally understand how hard it is to break the "habit" and "addiction" especially when it is something that helps you feel better.
This is where self-control comes in.
There were many times when either Alex or Sofia would go crazy in the car and they would cry all the way home, and all I wanted to do is cuss. But I would bite my lips and I would take few deep breaths.
Then, there were times Adrian would be working at the dining table and got frustrated with a certain situation, and he would walk into his 'gym room' and cuss (instead of saying it in front of us). Of course, sometimes I can still hear him because his whisper is not a whisper and his cuss words vocabulary is wider haha. In this kind of situation, I would talk really loud or sing to Alex and Sofia so they won't hear him. This is called teamwork la okay. Hah.
This does not mean that we are screwed up. This means that we are humans and that we are trying. Adrian and I will always remind each other of our intentions whenever we do or say something - be it to each other, to our kids, or to other people.
So, for me, I think it is fine for me to cuss into my pillow (when I need to) as long as no one else hears it and that is the main point. The last thing I want to do is to stumble people.
Which then brings me to the next question - why then do I want to talk about it here?
Well, because this is as real as it gets.
Someone once asked in our group of friends if they think that I would ever use the "f***" word. Out of the 4 people, 1 answered yes. That was gazillion years ago and I disagreed with the 1 person. I told him that I would never.
Look at me now, a mother with 2 kids and I do cuss sometimes (IN PRIVATE). Hah. So yeah, people will change so never say never. Heh.
Maybe you have a more effective way to let off your frustration and if that works for you, then really good! I guess as long as your 'way' is not by hurting someone else then that is fine.
So yeah. I do that so I don't let off my steam by screaming at my kids or purposely saying mean things to my husband. It helps me. But I need to always be reminded not to be 'addicted' to it because before I know it, I may be saying it out loud.
In summary, if you cuss with the intention to hurt people or/and people may be stumbled by it, then it is not okay. What is your intention then to use these cuss words? Is it necessary? And don't go around trying to hurt people with your words la - now pandemic and everyone is hurting in one way or another so be nice. Heh.
Okay so in the summary of a summary, having kids is really good lah - they help you do self-check because everything that you don't want them to do or say, you will also not do or say. So, you get to improve yourself every time.
The struggles are real, and I am glad that I finally found a method to make me a less-screaming-into-my-kids-ears and more-calm-down-respond-better person.
I hope that from this rambling, you will be able to consciously find a way to channel your frustration and a way to let off your instant anger or something - without stumbling to others and hurting others of course.
Till next time, bye now.
