I'm Coming Back.

Why my blog macam so dead ki?

Oh mannn.

Time to spend more time in here.

Alex is finally 6-months old and have reached that 'right' age where we should start feeding him puree and human food. Heh. We actually fed him once about a week ago and everything got so messy.

So messy that we decided to postpone his eating solids milestone a little longer hah.

Or at least we will wait until he can sit up on his own. We shall see when that is gonna happen. ot gonna rush these things since he is only gonna be a baby for such a short time nia.

Before we know it, he is gonna run everywhere and giving all the 'why' questions. So, for now we shall enjoy his baby moments.

My last day at FGA Centre is this Friday and I have the whole month of December of mommy-duty so more time for me to blog, and print photos to flood my house (and mom and grandma's house).

Till then.

Malaysia's Public Holidays in 2019!

You are all welcome! :)

Why You Should Get a Baby Monitor?

Why not?

Before Alex came out, I was already leaning towards getting a baby monitor but I was told that it is not necessary for us as we stay in an apartment - not 2-storeys house or bungalow. So, I let that idea go.

So expensive some more for the good branded ones.

Not until after we started the sleep training and after that we-almost-lost-our-son-scare, that we realized having a baby monitor may make a difference.

When we first started the sleep-training, we put Alex in a different room and we would not close the door completely because scared cannot hear him when he cry so we just sort of close it a little. Also, to get some lights from outside for us to be able to see him when we take a peek.

Then now, since his room is not going to be ready so soon, we decided that he will sleep in our room in his own crib first.

You must be thinking, why then do we need a baby monitor since he is already sleeping in our room, just next to me.

Well, Alex's sleeping schedule is quite consistent now in the evening at about 8pm and sometimes he would wake up at 10pm-ish for milk and sleeps till 6am for another milk session. Since he takes his nap at 8pm (if we are at home - because if we are out then his sleeping pattern all sure kelam kabut already but still manageable), Adrian and I prefers to be outside hanging out with his mom or each other watching TV, instead of lying on our bed waiting for him to fall asleep - just to make sure that he is not stuck or in danger or anything.

With this baby monitor, we do all the monitoring from outside and so, Alex is able to sleep peacefully inside the room with the door closed shut and all lights out. So, no noises or disturbance.

It's really a highly recommended from us - If you intend to sleep train your child, a baby monitor is a must have - it's life changing please.

If you enjoy not having to run to the room every 5-minutes to check if he is breathing okay, then you should totally get this baby monitor.

If you want to enjoy having friends over to your house to watch a movie together or just to hang out and at the same time be a parent, you should definitely get this baby monitor.

If you want to spend time with your spouse - cooking a meal together or cuddle and watch TV or just do some financial budgeting (with some arguments in between for sure heh) - then you must get this baby monitor.

Even with all that reasons in our heads, we could not bring ourselves to spend so much money for a baby monitor. Not until a fellow mother recommended a particular baby monitor that does not cost that much.

Best part is that she was already using them and she is still using it and she highly recommended it.

I got mine from Shopee (as recommended by her) and it is by far one the best parenting must have. No regrets at all. One mistake I did was choosing (by mistake) the US plug point so now I am using the universal plug with it so boo sama I.

Apparently, there are many other types of baby monitor that is also wallet-friendly but because I have not used them before, so I am not going to recommend them okay.

Recently, we went to KL for a quick getaway and yes, we brought the baby monitor with us - it is super travel friendly. Of course we will be bringing this with us to every holiday from now on. Hah.

There are other things that I really like about this monitor and the first one is the temperature monitoring which is super accurate. We tested it out by changing the temperature of our air-cond and it follows very chun. So, I would know if it gets to cold for him or if I should switch off the fan or something. Love this feature.

Second one is the time and date feature on the monitor. It's super convenient for me whenever he starts to cry because whenever he does that, we would time him - give him a good 5 minutes of crying and if the crying continues, then we would go inside the room to comfort him by patting his bum bum and talking to him for a bit and then leave the room again. If he continues to cry, we would wait for another 10 minutes and maybe then we would carry him (depending on the type of cry actually).

But now, he would cry for less than 5 minutes and be okay already. Self-soothing successful yas. So, with the time displayed on the screen, I don't have to keep using my phone to check.

Third one is the 2-ways audio communication which we have not tried it yet because he usually just falls asleep on his own really fast. And even when he's crying, he won't be able to hear us because he would be so loud already. But I do look forward to use this 2-ways audio communication when he is much older and sleeping in his own room - oh fun times ahead.

Fourth is the night vision and its clarity. The room will have zero lights and yet on our baby monitor screen, it is so clear and bright.

Fifth one is the fact that it's small and easy to be moved around. It's not wireless (probably the only minus point) so you gotta have a plug point nearby, but the wire is quite long so quite good la. Sometimes I place the camera nearer to his face and sometimes I put it on a higher area to see his entire body - depending on the mood heh.

So yeah - I don't know what's not to like about this product because with just RM130 (plus shipping fee), we get so many kind of functions and it's changing our life to the better. We are happier parents because now we can still open our house to having people over for meals and hangouts - just like before Alex came.

Who says becoming parents means having to sacrifice the freedom to hang out with friends and/or do fun things after the sun goes down? Just have to do more indoor nia okay. Hah.

Some parts are true la (heh) but we can always think of ways to have a fun-er parenting ways. Hah.

Thanks to this life-changing-parenting-hack.

Till then, bye now. 

How We Almost Lost Our Son to Suffocation.

Never have I ever thought that this would happen to us, to Alex.

We started sleep training Alex since about 2 weeks ago and ever since then, he has been sleeping in another room, on his own - with both our rooms' door open. 

It has been going pretty okay with this training although it was the most difficult first week of training with three of us losing sleep - a lot. Heh. 

Ever since birth, he will always sleep in his own crib that has wheels for us to move him around - very convenient. We don't do co-sleeping because hello, our queen-sized bed already feels crowded with two adults. Imagine if he sleeps in between Adrian and myself, for sure we would end up sleeping on the floor. That and because we decided that the bed is for the two of us - the adults - not for him to sleep and also, later we terlena and accidentally sleep on him. 

But during the night, he will wake up wanting to be carried and/or rocked to sleep and that was really difficult because we would have so little sleep it's insane - and again, that's parenting (people will tell me heh). 

At times, he finds comfort just by lying on Adrian's stomach. It's super cute but very not practical okay. 

When he is in his own crib, we put him down on his back (after a long time of rocking in our arms), with his face naturally turned to the side and both hands up in the air, a blanket over his torso and legs and then the mini bean-bag pillow on his tummy for some secure-feel. Oh and a bolster next to him because sometimes he sleeps sideways and the bolster supports his back. 

Now I know that all these things are like sleeping hazards to an infant because they increase the risk of SIDS and suffocation, but because Sha Lynn and Daryl also slept with this pillow and blanket, it was fine for me and Adrian. He seemed so comfortable in them anyways. 

And he is usually in the same room with us - so we would always like to wake up and check. 

This mini bean-bag pillow is like a must-have because he calms down and falls asleep faster with them. This and the pacifier - his two must-haves. 

Even when being carried with an Ergobaby, this mini bean-bag pillow for sure has to be there - as though he needs to smell and touch them. 

So, here's the thing about this entire sleep-training thing. 

Because he now sleeps in another room, we do not turn on the air-con for him because the fan is enough and we remove the blankets because not cold anymore and it's dangerous to leave a blanket in his crib in case it covers his face. 

We decided to still use the mini bean-bag pillow to put on his tummy so he would be comfortable and after the first few nights, he seems okay and loving it - even without the blanket and pacifier. He had never been able to pull the pillow up from his torso so we know that it's fine to have him sleep like that. 

This is what we have decided to do for his sleep-training. 

We would rock him in our arms first till he is half-asleep, then we will put him on his crib on his back and then put the mini bean-bag pillow on his lower torso. Lights will be fully turned off and the door will be half-closed. Most of the time, he would continue sleeping and only have his cry-it-out session at 3am-ish and another time at about 6:30am. 

The training is that we will not pick him up at all when he cry so that he can learn to self-soothe and sleep on his own - no more mad rocking him and walking around the house for an hour. 

So, every time he started crying in his room (yes we can hear it because this boy screams more than cry wan), either Adrian or I would get out of our bed and out of our room to take a peek through the half-closed door of his room to make sure that all is okay and he's crying for attention and not in-trouble-kind-of cry. 

And if it is me who got up, I would quickly go back to my room and lie down and tell Adrian that he's okay and both of us would half-sleep to wait till he stops crying. Then only we would fall asleep deep. Heh. 

Most of the time, I would still be very much awake because I would time his crying sessions. Sometimes, it would last till 30 minutes and sometimes it takes 10 minutes only and he would fall back asleep. 

Then, there is this particular night where he was crying the usual kind of cry and I was in my room just waiting it out. It was probably like going into 10 minutes or so and then he became silent and usually I would just fall asleep myself. 

But mother-instinct kicked in. 

I felt that I needed to go take a look at him. I felt that that silence was unusual. 

When I peek through the hole, I could not believe what I saw. 

The mini bean-bag-pillow was covering his lower part of the face - mainly the mouth and nose. Both his hands were up waving in the scariest panic mode. His face was turning left and right trying to breathe. 

I quickly removed the bag and he let out a sigh-relief like he finally got to have oxygen. Then, he started to cry and I was relieved. 

Obviously that night I broke all sleep-training rules and carried him and just repeatedly whispers to him, "I'm sorry, Alex". 

He calmed down and fell back asleep in my arms. 

I have never felt so scared in my life. The fear of losing my son was all over me and I just kept thanking God for mother-instinct. 

I dared not imagine what would have happened if I have decided to continue to be on my bed and continue sleeping - assuming that my son has fallen asleep like he usually does. Thinking back, he would have died of suffocation from the pillow because of the heaviness of the beans in there and he is still too young to be able to coordinate his hands to remove them from his face. 

Then it hit me - that it's different now because he never has to cry and struggle in his own bed when we put him on the bed because we would always make him sleep first before putting him down. Now, he has to go through the crying and struggling because no one would pick him up - because he has to learn to fall asleep on his own.

So, for sure he (try) to grab whatever he can in the moment of being frustrated because no one would pick him up. That's how the pillow must have gotten from his lower torso up to his face. 

That day onwards, we removed the pillow and bolster and only let him sleep as it is. 

I never ever ever want to go through that kind of scare again in my life. It was the scariest thing ever. Every time I try to imagine if I have not gotten up, Alex would have been dead- gone. I cannot let that sink in - too scary really - nightmares started since that night and prayerfully, it will be gone soon. 

I would highly recommend other parents to do sleep training (maybe in the same room) because it seems to have helped in other areas other than sleeping - like when he goes into his car seat. He used to scream non-stop the moment he gets in the car seat and stops only after he gets out of it. Now, he would sit quietly and enjoys the ride - macam he won't bother crying and screaming anymore.

Now, he sleeps in the same room with us because he knows how to yummy-turn already so yeah. Need to watch him closely especially if he tummy-turns middle of the night.

Also, after changing pajamas and playing with him for a while, we will leave him on his crib wide awake and turn off all the room lights (except for 1 small light in the corner) and he would fall asleep on his own with no crying at all. The same goes if he wakes up for milk at 4am (if we feed him early at night before he sleeps), he would fall back asleep on his own. No need to carry and rock anymore. LIFE-CHANGING I TELL YOU.

We try to feed him milk at 10pm and his next drinking time would be at 7am so that works really well for us. 

I also spent some time reading up on suffocation, choking on toys, and SIDS. 

Apparently, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is sometimes known as crib death because the infants often die in their cribs. Although the cause is unknown, it appears that SIDS might be associated with defects in the portion of an infant's brain that controls breathing and arousal from sleep. SIDS is spontaneous and random - my bulu naik reading up on all these things because I am beyond scared of losing my son - no one should go through the pain of losing or almost-losing their children :(

So yeah. This is a true story of how we almost lost our son to suffocation. 

All is well now. I am beyond thankful. 

My Eyelash Extension Story.

I have always been a bit more conscious about my eyes compared to the other areas of my face. Wait, actually not true. I was more conscious of my teeth because they were all crooked and so-hard-to -keep-it-white-problem and now since, braces fixed it already, it is no longer a main concern. Go read this.

Then, it was the eyes. I am the laziest person on earth so when I found a long-term solution to no-need-to-draw-eyeliner-everyday, I obviously did it! Go read this too.

Then, the sister decided that she was going to try doing the eyelash extension and once she was hooked on it, I was slightly convinced that maybe I should go try it as well. I don't usually curl my lashes and use mascara so it wasn't like a must-try for me. And I've read on so many reviews that it would cost a bomb to the pocket because it's not like you do one time and it lasts you for 6-months or something.

In fact, I think if it lasts more than 3-weeks, that is super good already.

Anyways, there was a first-time-trial-promo at Essenzza at Tanjung Bungah (where my sister did hers) so I decided to give it a try. After all, it's less than RM100 right. So okaylah.

That morning, I asked mom to help me take the before photo so you can expect that this is no pro-photography okay. Like since when I ever post pro-photos if it were taken by myself or mom or husband or the elder sister. The youngest always take nice-pro-like-photos okay, but too bad she wasn't around that morning.

 My eyelashes is not too bad okay. Hah. Not like it needs a lot of work also *self-denial* Anyways, do you know that it is so hard to take care of the lashes?

Cannot wash your face like how normal people do. Cannot rub your eyes. Cannot sleep sideways too relax-ly. It's insane.

To be honest, I was fairly impressed with how comfortable the whole process was. It took about one and half hours but it didn't feel that long.

For the trail price RM98, they were supposed to give 150 pieces only, but the lady added and those lashes on my eyes were about 200 + per eye.

They have a 6-months package where you pay about RM1,400 for endless visits for touch-ups or to put new ones. Too expensive for me please.

BEFORE & AFTER

I think this "hobby" only rich people can keep up la. It's really too costly, and so troublesome to take care. Not recommended for lazy people like me. Hah.

So, for me, as and when I need my lashes to be long, I shall just use the fake ones from Yubiso (RM8.40 for 5 pairs) because they looked like extension too. And no need to spend so much.

On normal days, I shall just curl them and put on the new Maybelline's mascara. Heh.

Speaking of eyes and all, I think it's time for me to go touch-up my eyeliner tattoo already. It's been like what? 2 years? 

Till then, bye now. 

Thankfulness.

Just realized that I did not blog about anything in the month of August - crazy.

It just seems like as of lately whenever I have free time, I prefer to use them to sleep or hang out with people. Then again, free time is quite difficult to have now.

But still, thankful for my mom and mom-in-law for always saying yes to take care of the little boss so we could sometimes go for quick dinner dates.

I shall try to come back here more often.

In the meantime, I am dreaming of holidays but at the same time, I feel quite scared because now got a baby to travel with and we all know that Alex is a cry-baby - like seriously he would win the baby-crying-competition - in all kinds of categories: the longest and the loudest.

But still, I will continue to dream of holidays (preferably outside of Malaysia) but if not, I will still take it. Heh.

Till then. 

My Baby Blues Story.

This is a story that I thought will take me a longer time to write, and share with the world - but who am I kidding? This space gives me the kind of relief a human cannot.

Earlier on, I have posted on The Birth-Day Story of Alex Koay - details of what happened and stuff. So please head over there and read . Heh.

The moment Alex was brought out of me, I felt immediate relief of weight (like literally kilogram kind of weight) off me even though I was numb from chest down. Then, when I finally heard his scream and saw his tiny body, tears rolled down my cheeks - which was totally unexpected.

I didn't expect to cry because I didn't think that the whole situation would get emotional, then again he was in me for so long and it almost felt like I didn't want to be separated from him. That and also because it was surreal that this tiny human is ours to have - forever.

So that's why there were tears.

I looked at Adrian and saw the widest smile on his face and he was just so into the little man that I didn't think he noticed my tears - which was totally fine because I was a bit shy then. Heh.

I spent an hour in a recovery room alone before I was wheeled into my room to see the husband and the baby, and I believed that was when I started feeling different.

After breastfeeding Alex for the very first time, I was convinced that the 'different' feeling that I was having was not normal - like I did not expect to be feeling this way right after delivering a baby.

It felt super abnormal and so not 'me'.

I was worried but I was also a lot of other things - tired, in pain, sad and angry.

Where is the happy in all that? I could not even smile genuinely (if I may say that) throughout my days in the hospital. It was just weird. I mean, having a baby is a happy event but I was not feeling it. I was not celebrating it like how Adrian was and everyone else. I felt alone and weird out.

When we were finally home, I realized that these feelings remained and didn't like fade away. Initially, I thought that it could be just the hospital stay that made me all gloomy and emo.

But I was wrong.

I kept it to myself for the first week but because it was eating me up, so I decided to share it with Adrian first, and then Rachel later on. I think both of them got worried but I assured them that it wasn't postpartum depression #doctorkhoo

I googled and self-diagnosed (heh) that it was not postpartum depression, but a thing called baby blues - the mildest form of postpartum depression.

Sure I've had my fair share of mood swings and all, but these mood swings were different and slightly more extreme. When the baby goes to sleep, I googled and read up more and I remembered being so desperate to get out of this baby blues so badly that I kept asking Adrian (everyday) if I am going to be 'me' soon, and everytime he would put his hands on me and pray.

These are some of the things that I had while having the baby blues:

• I had no appetite to eat and could go through the entire day not eating anything or drinking anything. It was really bizarre because I was breastfeeding and it was supposed to make me hungry. 
• I was really tired but every time I closed my eyes, I would wake up almost immediately again. 
• I would cry for no reason at all - hated this the most. I would be feeding Alex and crying at the same time. One time, all it needed was a look at Adrian's face and tears would roll down. 
•  I was feeling somewhat angry - that Alex gets hungry every 2-hours and it was really tiring. It made me feel like a horrible mother for getting angry that my son needs to drink milk. 
• I was not myself (at all) and struggled with that the longest of all symptoms. Everyday I would try things that I normally do just so I can 'find' myself again. At the end of confinement's second week, Adrian took me out on a dinner date and that made me feel better - for that day only though. 

It was said that baby blues usually will end after 3-weeks to 4-weeks so I was looking forward to that. I was determined to get out of this hole soonest possible. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel - I was just too impatient to get to it. I didn't want to walk, I wanted to sprint but no stamina so how. Heh. 

In Alex's first month of life, I could not bring myself to bond with him like how I would love to. I just could not enjoy being a mother because I was not in the right place. Definitely not in the right mind as well. That probably made things worse because I so badly wanted to but I could not. 

I did not want to lose 'me' so we decided that leaving the 'confinement home' after 2 weeks should do us some good. We went back to our house and I started to feel better. 

Then, there was another thing that bothered me on a daily basis - breastfeeding.

This is one of the toughest thing to do in life seriously. It was one of the factor in my episode of baby blues I think.

I was feeding Alex directly and pumping every few hours but I would always still get plugged duct and that hurts like mad - the blocked duct's pain can last for an entire day and it's just insane. Most nights, I could not lie on my sides because it would hurt the boobs - it's crazy. At one time, I was afraid of sleeping on the bed that I almost sit-sleep on the couch.

Then, on days when I slept in a little longer, I would wake up with engorged breasts that is also majorly painful. Not only that, it was a very demanding round the clock 'job' because you cannot miss a feeding or pumping time, if not sure pain for don't know how many hours. Basically, you cannot be lazy.

And I, I am the laziest person I know.

So every time I wanted to give up breastfeeding, I stopped and managed to convince myself to persevere through the pain. Then, this cycle will re-drama itself every single day.

One step at a time. This was repeated so many times everyday. From myself to myself and from Adrian to me.

But, after a month of breastfeeding, I decided to stop.

No more plugged ducts.
No more engorged breasts.
No more angry/sad-feeding time.
No more sleepless nights.
No more crying over painful boobs.
No more wearing the same t-shirt everyday because I don't feel comfortable wearing others that made me feel big.

Adrian can vouch for this - the day the milk dried up was also the day I was probably the happiest ever since Alex came. I was so relieved. Yes, I was feeling guilty and questioned myself the first few days if it was the right decision but I would rather be a present happy mom than an unhappy absent mom to my son, and wife to my husband.

For sure, it is a known fact that breast milk is the best, but guess what. Formula also best la okay. Not every mother can produce milk like those who can, or persevere through the pain and not-enough-sleep-nights. I feel my case quite sad because I was actually producing a lot of milk (sometimes I feel macam too much) that is probably why I get engorged boobs and plugged ducts so often. Heh.

But its okay. Next baby I try again. 

Because now when I feed my son with the bottle, I talk to him, sometimes I sing to him - I bond with him. When I was breastfeeding, zero communications please - I just wanted it to be over asap #beinghonestherenoshame

I am super thankful that both Adrian and Rachel was super supportive towards my decision because it was not an easy one. I needed Adrian to understand why I would want to stop breastfeeding and he did. I really did not want to be 'traumatized' by this first breastfeeding experience because I intend to breastfeed all my children (as long as I could).

Now, as we enter the second month, I can happily say that baby blues are no more, and I enjoy bonding with my son a whole lot more. I love this little man please. Now I can finally show it with my 'me' method. Not only that, I realized I became a better wife to Adrian (he better agrees with me hah). I was just so 'absent' in the beginning you know. Just not there mentally and emotionally.

If you are a new mom and you are going through this, please know that you are not the only one. 70% of new moms go through it and know that you will come out of it. Remember to have 'me' time during confinement period because you do not want to lose the 'me' in this new phase of life. Find time to go for a haircut or hair wash session or mani-pedi or dinner dates with your husband.

Being a mother is really a whole new level of life-changing experience. You cannot un-mother a mother. I feel so much stronger now that I am a mother - its like I'm not even scared of flying cockroaches anymore hah.

To all mothers (who breastfeed and formula-feed), we are champions okay. Pat yourself on the back please. If your husband is nearby, ask him to pat your back too heh. Every day should be mother's day because every day our child (or children) needs to see/hear/smell us before they fall asleep - we are on demand all the time 24/7 - no turning back.

To all fathers, thank you for being our strength and thank you for being present. I know many of you do not know what to do most of the time, but by being there physically and offering hugs and kisses (on a daily basis), you are doing way more than you know. So, continue to shower your wife with your love language - CC Adrian Koay - I have been craving for salmon and steak for the longest time already ya.. :)

Now back to reality/work. Work begins already because our Alex is already two months old.

Also, this website, Motherly helps a lot (even for men) - I read and watch their videos and it makes me feel co much better. So, do go and visit this website and go explore.

Other than all that, I am also determined to 'lose' this post-pregnancy belly (or pouch heh) be it via a healthier diet or exercise, so if you are reading this and you have successfully done it, please share with me your secrets! If you are also like me, at this phase where you want to lose that after-baby's-belly, tell me so we can do it together!

One of the things that I plan to do is to go to the gym with the husband (also macam dating time kan), but I am still recovering from the c-section scar so I guess exercise will have to wait. Heh. Just few days ago, my c-section scar started to bleed a little and even now. It must be from carrying Alex in his carrier too often. He is getting heavier now. Man.

So far, I've lost about 11 kg (total weight gained during pregnancy was about 14 kg), so I have about 3 kg to go. It's going to be difficult from now on because I am no longer breastfeeding and breastfeeding really helps in losing weight. Oh wells.

I've started the lessen-the carbs-diet, so let's see how that will go. Hah.

Till next time, bye now.