What Kind of Parents Are We?

I have been wanting to answer this question since Alex turned one but never had enough blogging-mojo to really do it - until now.

I mean Sofia is going to be one, in 42 days' time and this is my second-born child we talking about. Like hello - if this does not make you think that time really passes by too quickly, then I don't what does.

It has been such a fulfilling year since we grew from a family of three to a family of four - we have had tough days but usually, these tough days are easily forgotten at the end of the day when we lie in bed with our kids. Worth every hardship, please.

Anyway, Adrian and I are constantly surrounded by people who genuinely care for our kids and we are ever so grateful for them - family, friends, clients, and strangers turned friends on social media. 

That being said, we also realized that many of the people we meet (and have spent time with) often have different ways of parenting and it is really interesting because there are just so many things that we could learn from each other - voluntarily and with zero judgment of course. 

So, here are just some of our "parenting tricks" that we have up our sleeves - some of which we copy-cat from people, and some others, we just use our common-sense and logic, and others, based on our experiences and we just adjust here and there. Hah. 

Note: please know that other parenting styles are also legit and this is not for comparison whatsoever.

Here are some FAQs that we have received so I'm going to try my best answer them in that way okay. 

1 - HOW DID BOTH YOUR LIFE CHANGE BEFORE & AFTER KIDS? 

When we found out that we got pregnant with Alex (2-years ago), the first thing that we discussed and agreed on is not his name. It was that we will be the kind of parents where our baby will follow our schedule and adapt to our lifestyle instead of the other way around. 

Please don't get me wrong. We know that our life will be changed the moment we decided to have kids - we expect our lives to be changed for sure but we agreed that we will not be "tied" to a strict schedule that we lose the freedom to "live" our lives. 

With that being said, our kids do not have a strict-must-sleep-by-certain-time schedule at night. Since they were born, they will follow us out (pre-Covid-19) at night when we have dinner plans outside with family and/friends and I think because of that, both of them are very adaptable to different environments and timings. We need them to be because we didn't want to be tied down to staying at home past normal bedtimes and so far, it has worked really well for us. 

Of course, we don't do it often (back then), and now, lagi less because of the pandemic. They both go to sleep at about 8PM now but if we have people over at our house for dinner, then they both will be awake and socialize till when they are tired and wants to go sleep. 

Oh and I think because we have been doing this since they were born, they can fall asleep in the room with the party noise all around. This is really one of our proudest agreement together - both Adrian and I. Heh. 

2 - HOW DO YOU DISCIPLINE ALEX (& SOFIA IN THE FUTURE)?

We both believe that caning our children when they do naughty things is legit. We do not do this often with Alex (Sofia is still too young) because overall, he is quite an obedient kid. We only bring out the cane when he purposely does things that he knows is not right - for example., throwing his tantrum by throwing items on the floor and refusing to pick them up. 

We will wait until he is more settled, then we bring out the cane and tells him that it is wrong and because he did a naughty thing, we have to cane his hand and reminds him not to do it again. It is still a work in progress because we are starting to realize that when he is upset, he does not know of any other way to "project" his anger so he picks up a random toy and throws it. Somehow, he feels better after that. 

A lot like adults to be honest. Like when we get upset, we "throw" our words and we don't care if it is going to hurt anyone around us. We just "need" to do it because we need to release our anger and frustration. 

So, with Alex now, whenever he throws an object because he is frustrated, we do not bring out the cane immediately. We will ask him nicely to pick it up and oftentimes, he will say, "No!".

I will usually sit with him until he cools down and realized that no matter what, he has to pick up that item because his mother can and will sit with him till he picks it up. My son is stubborn - but he better not forget where his stubbornness comes from. Heh. 

On days where our patience is not so high, he will get the cane for being naughty. 

We always explain to him whenever we discipline him (with or without a cane) because we want him to understand that there is a reason for every caning (or lecture). We want him to understand that every time he decides to do something, there is always a consequence that has to take place (whether good or bad). So, if he decides to be naughty, then he will get the consequence of being naughty la. 

I don't believe that by beating him (with a cane, or with tiak), he will then pick it up and do to his fellow peers because we have seen children who do all that and they never got beaten or caned by their parents. 

So yeah - both Adrian and I use the cane to discipline Alex and so far, it works because he knows that the consequences of doing things that he is not allowed to do are a pain. Hah. Works for Adrian and me when we were growing up. Hah. 

Not sure how it is going to work with Sofia because two different kids usually mean two different ways to parent. 

3 - WHAT KIND OF FOOD DO YOU FEED ALEX & SOFIA?

This one very funny, please. 

When Alex turned 6-months old, I got so excited and went out to buy ALL organic items and it caused such a big hole in my pocket. Then, we realized that organic or not, it is still food and all same wan, please. Why are we paying double the price for an avocado that will taste the same to them? Hello - he is 6-months old, he is not gonna know the difference if he was eating an Australian avocado or the local one. 

Since then, we always only buy the normal kind of snacks, fruits, and baby-foods for them. But I realized most baby snacks are all labeled organic so no choice la. But if got a choice wan, then we will opt for normal kind. 

4 - HOW DO YOU TEACH ALEX MANNERS?

It is so important for us that our kids know and ace in simple basic manners - like please and thank you. I had long thoughts on how we were going to "make" Alex know his manners because I feel that this is so important. 

We will not force because then it will become something they are forced to do and they will hate it. It has to be something that he does on a daily basis and loves doing them! 

So, what we do is that every time Alex asks for something, he has to say please first. Most of the time, he will say please but on days when he does not feel like saying please, we still give it to him anyway. Because again, he should not be "punished" just because he didn't say his please.

My usual conversation with him (when he doesn't; say please) is like this:

Alex: Mamy! I want this. *points at something*
Me: Can you say please?

Alex: No....

Me: Why...? Can you say please next time? 

Alex: Yeah!

The same goes for when he refuses to say thank you at the end. So far, it works so well! And now, his please and thank you are pretty consistent. His thank yous are more consistent than his please but it's getting there! 

Now, we are trying to get him to say his please and thank you with the person's name or title. For example, instead of just saying, "thank you", we are teaching him to say, "thank you Mamy" or "thank you, Ezra". 

Personalized please and thank you will go a long way. 

5 - ARE BOTH ALEX & SOFIA PICKY IN FOOD?

Oh my goodness no and no. Alex was not picky about food until he turned two years old. Then, he started sharing his opinion. He would say things like, "I don't like this." or "Mamy, not this". 

With that, it also means he is eating less (in terms of the portion) because he is starting to be picky with everything.- except chips and candy! 

Whenever Alex asks to have a snack like potato chips or cake, I will allow it most of the time (of course he must finish his main meal first). This one for sure a lot of people will not agree because I feel most people will do it properly wan like giving healthier snacks. 

For me, a kid who eats anything is better than a kid who refuses to eat anything! 

So, whenever he asks for a snack (even the unhealthy ones), we give it to him. Of course not the whole packet la, please. What kind of parents do you think we really are? We always give him a portion and that's it. Hah. 

For Sofia, I would not say that she is picky (for a baby her age) but we are starting to see a pattern of her rejecting greens. Like not only vegetables but anything green that is edible. It is super cute. Other than that, she eats everything we feed her. She is a foodie for sure. 

6 - DO YOU USE IPAD OR PHONE DURING KIDS' MEALTIMES?

This is another huge no-no for us. We knew from the start that we will do whatever it takes to not let that happen to our children because one - they will eat really slowly because they are not focused on their food and two - mealtimes are when we fellowship around the table. 

We made that very clear to Alex when he started taking solids (so like 6-mo onwards), and by that, we really mean that we tell him that screen time is never during mealtimes. When we have meals together, he can either eat, play with a toy car or play/chat with us or the people around the table. 

So far, we only gave in once in his 2 years of life because I remembered that day, both Adrian and I were super exhausted from work and we just wanted to have an easy-going dinner. And that was it. 

Can Alex watch other people's iPad when he is out with our friends? For sure he can - provided other children wants to share with him. But we noticed that even so, he will usually lose interest very fast and will go find other kids to play with. 

Also, because of this, Adrian and I are not allowed to watch our Netflix whenever we eat (something which I really enjoy when dining solo), or as long as Alex can see us, then we cannot do it already. So, if I really needed the "Netflix & Eat moment", I will wait till Alex and Sofia are asleep then only I do that. Heh. 

7 - WHO SHOWERS FOR THE KIDS?

Our routine every shower time is like this. 

Adrian will bathe for Sofia, then he will pass her to me to change into her clothes. He then will shower for Alex and while Alex gets his "swimming time", Adrian will shower and they both will exit the toilet together. 

Most of the time, Alex will only leave the toilet after he cleans up his toys and pours away the water in his bathtub. 

Adrian loves shower time because it is when he really bonds with both of them - in water. Both babies are not afraid of water thanks to Adrian. Because if it were up to me to bathe for them, I will be super careful with their eyes and ears and whatnot. Hah. 

8 - DOES ALEX CLEAN UP HIS TOYS AFTER PLAYTIME?

This is something I realized most children hate to do after playing! They just cannot be bothered to clean their toys and I've seen different methods to get them to do - use a cane to "threaten" them, offer a reward if they clean up, or threaten to throw the toys away if they don't clean up. 

All of the above cannot work for me - I mean like I have never used all that to get Alex to clean his toys because if I want him to love cleaning up his toys, he has to be willing and he has to "fall in love" to the idea of cleaning up. 

I feel that a lot of this "parenting tactic" comes from the question, "What will be effective for me if I were Alex?"

And I realized that when my parents "force" me into doing or saying something, I will end up not doing or saying it wan. Because the "experience" is forced and I don't love it. 

So, with Alex - the same thing. 

W never force him to clean up his toys but that does not mean we never asked. We always ask him to clean up his toys and at first, he will always say no. And when he said no, both Adrian and I will start singing this song (that I am sure we created randomly) and we both will get to our knees and clean up his toys in a fun way. We will look like we are having fun with it. And after like a few times, he will join us and now he cleans up his toys most of the time. 

The song goes like this - "Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up" (on repeat). 

9 - DOES ALEX HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SHARING HIS TOYS OR FOOD?

This is another big headache. If you are a parent to a toddler before, you will know how hard it is to teach kids to share! It is one of our hardest things to convey that message to Alex. 

We always explain to him that sharing his toys and food (and other things) with people is a good thing but somehow, always cannot last very long one. 

Same concept with what I mentioned earlier, where we do not force him to share if he does not want to because it will not work. We need him to love sharing and not being forced to share just because his parents told him to do so. 

So, what we started doing is that every time Adrian wants a bit of my food or I want to borrow something from him, we would make sure that we verbalize that action of sharing - out loud. 

For example, that day we were having dinner together and we casually asked Alex if he could share his ban-chang-koay with us and he said no. So, we said okay (with a sad tone) and moved on with our own food and talking over the dinner table. 

Then, Adrian wanted to try my food, so without making it very obvious, I said to Adrian - "Baby, I share my food with you okay", and I said it louder than normal because I know Alex was listening to us - because he kept saying "huh" when we were discussing something in our conversation earlier. My son super kaypo I tell you. 

We consciously verbalize our actions and I think it is working because Alex has been showing some major improvement in the sharing department! So much win, please. 

10 - DOES ALEX EVER GET JEALOUS OVER SOFIA?

This is the most common FAQ people asked us and the answer to this is a big fat no! 

Alex has been showing love and care towards Sofia and it really surprised both Adrian and myself. I think it's a lot of what he sees at home because, to be honest, Adrian loves us so well. 

When we found out about Sofia, we started making adjustments in terms of attention-giving to Alex. Even though Alex is our firstborn, he was treated a lot like a third-born for me because I am very close to my sister's children and treat them like my own. 

So, when we were expecting Sofia, we knew that the right thing for us to do is slowly giving Alex the divided attention that he is expected to receive when Sofia finally comes out of me. We didn't want to wait till Sofia is out then only he experiences the "sudden" change in receiving the amount of attention because for sure he can relate his "loss of attention" to Sofia ma right. 

We feel that he will hold some sort of jealousy la if that's the case - based on our assumption anyway, and maybe a part of my growing up. 

I used to get most of my parents' attention and it stopped on the day Vanessa was born and I was seven years old. Believe it or not - I remembered feeling super bitter towards Vanessa because I "blamed" her for taking my parents' attention away from me by just basically existing. We didn't have a close childhood experience for sure. 

We didn't think it was unfair to do this method because Alex already got 100% of our attention for a solid one year and Sofia never had the chance to get 100% of our attention eh. So, we thought this method could work. 

A few people suggested that we should get a gift and give them to Alex on the day he meets Sofia for the first time as though Sofia got him a gift. But for us, it is not logical la. Hah. Also, we didn't want Alex to relate to receiving gifts on the day he meets his baby sister. 

So yeah, this "trick" works super well! Highly recommended! 

11 - HOW LONG DID YOU BREASTFEED BOTH YOUR KIDS?

Let me just get this out. 

You are not a bad mom if you feed formula milk to your baby. 

You are not a better mom if you feed breastmilk to your baby longer than other moms. 

It is time that mothers (and humans) realize that no matter what milk you give to your baby, you are not better or worse mom than other moms. We are all good moms! We need to know that in our hearts because we all are! The sacrifices that we have made go beyond the kind of milk we give our children. No passing of judgment whatsoever. 

All moms need to unite. 

I fed breastmilk to Alex for a month and Sofia for 6-months.

Alex is currently on Biogreen Oats Milk and Sofia is on Enfalac. Speaking of which, we will switch her milk to Biogreen Oats Milk when she turns one because we realized that this formula milk is giving her many episodes of phlegm. We learned that from the experience we had with Alex because he used to go to the clinic once every month to use the nebulizer but ever since we switch his formula milk (used to be Similac) to Biogreen Oats Milk, he never (and I mean never) used nebulizer ever again. 

Life-changing hack. Hah. 

12 - WHAT ARE BOTH YOUR KIDS' PERSONALITIES LIKE?

Alex is a cry-baby - There, I said it. Hah. 

He really is and I am not saying this to embarrass him but we are accepting the fact that Alex shows his emotions through tears. Every time he feels a negative side of emotions, he cries. And he cries a lot. People say no to him, he cries. 

At first, this is how we deal with his endless episodes of crying - we will let him finish his cry then we will ask him what he wants and the reason for his cry. But then as he grows older, his cry gets longer and louder and more annoying so we came out with an idea. 

We told him that every time he decides to burst into another episode of crying (those no reason crying kind), he will be taken into the room (or a room depending on where we are at) and he will only be allowed to leave the room after he finishes his cry and has calmed down. 

Let me just tell you that on the first day we tried this method, it works like how Isotonix Digestive works for my digestion problems. Heh. Whenever he burst into tears because Daryl refused to play with him, I would carry him and on the way to the room, he would hold back his tears and say, "Mamy, I'm done. No more crying.."

It works. 

BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT BROKE MY HEART. 

He was playing happily in the living room in our house when suddenly he slipped and fell down and knocked his head. I saw the fall and I was expecting him to cry because it was quite a hard knock. I went to him immediately to pick him up and hugged him and while I was carrying him (to hug him), he held my face and said, "No crying, Mamy. Alex no cry"

What broke my heart was the fact that while he was saying that to me, his mouth was betraying him and it was curving into that sad curve that our mouth does when we are sad or in need of a cry. He was obviously in a lot of pain and needed to cry but because he thought I was going to "punish" him by bringing him into the room if he cries, he forced himself not to cry even though he was in pain. 

My heart broke and I promised myself that I will never ever ask him to go into the room ever again whenever he cries. So, we threw that method out the window and never practices that again. 

Now, Alex still cries (a lot) and we let him feel his emotions out. We do not ask him to stop crying because he has to let his emotions out somehow and we will not stop him from doing that. What we usually do now is that we will wait for him to cry finish and then we talk after that. 

Same as how we did in the beginning la. Hah. Still a work in progress on this. 

I mean - how would you like it if you need to cry and every time when you cry, somebody kept asking you to stop. You will hate it right? People will usually sit next to you or hug you and let you cry all out so that you can feel better after that. 

So, that is what we do with Alex. We hug him and we let him know it is okay to cry - on most days la. We are not perfect parents please so on bad days (rare), we will ask him to stop crying for no reason. Parenting is a tiring thing okay. 

As for Sofia, she is not really a cry baby. I mean - she is considered a very mild-crying baby as compared to Alex. I have to compare both of them because both my babies what. 

Sofia is a lot more clingy to people (in general and not just me). She does not like being left alone, whether in the living room or in our main room. Just anywhere. I mean - she has to sit on the high chair in the kitchen just so my mom can cook in peace. 

Also, Sofia is a lot bossier than Alex. I wonder where she got it from. 

We have heard comments like, "He's a spoilt boy" whenever we let him cry out (can be due to any reason but most of the time because we say no to him when he wants something) and have a meltdown. 

I don't believe in giving in just because he is having a meltdown so when people say things like, "He's spoilt" - I am not offended and I do not get defensive. 

Simply because I know that is not what it is. Alex is not spoilt. If these people have been in our shoes for an entire 24-hours, they will know that Alex is actually quite a good boy who happens to just love crying whenever he feels frustrated. 

Alex will only be a truly spoilt boy if his parents give in to him every time he cries, but so sorry ah Alex, your parents are the kind that does not do that. The more you cry, the less chance you going to get what you want. 

We are all about tough love - not that tough tough la okay. 

13 - DO YOU GIVE PACIFIER TO YOUR CHILDREN?

Yes, both our kids are addicted to it. It is the one thing we must not leave the house without.

Say no more. It's life-changing but now we are struggling to wean them off of it. Alex is actually getting better to not "need" it as much but still need. 

We accept suggestions please - that actually worked with your kids! Share with us your stories please we would love to know! We love parents' stories!

14 - DOES ALEX IMITATE YOU & ADRIAN?

Yes, yes, and yes. 

Alex follows everything that we do at home! Everything! 

He wants to drink using the same mug that we use and he wants to brush his teeth because that is what we do every morning and night. He wants to carry Sofia but he cannot yet and he wants to wear shoes on his own. 

It is so satisfying to see that there are so many independent things that he wants to do because he sees us doing them but there are also so many ughhh to it. 

Like he may drop the mug if we give to him (or water spilling on the floor - which means extra work cos need to clean up) or he may fall and poke himself to death if we let him brush his teeth without supervision (yes, he always insists for us to leave the toilet when he is inside) or taking 10-minutes to wear his shoes. 

I say all this now but the truth is, we let him do it anyway. 

As for words that we say at home, so far, Alex picks up the good words because we rarely say nonsense at home. In the beginning, he calls Adrian 'Baby' because I was calling Adrian that. But we told him that he is not to call Adrian that and he listened. 

There were so many times that we said, "Shit" but good thing he never picks it up. 

15 - WHAT ARE YOUR KIDS' SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS LIKE?

The ideal sleeping arrangement (before Alex was born) was having the kids sleep in another room but all that arrangement never happened because first, we didn't really have a room for them, and second, I super paranoid. I have this insane fear of people coming into our house and kidnap our kids in the middle of the night. So no thanks. 

I mean for now at least. 

The other thing is we had trained Alex since he was a baby to fall asleep on his own bed but soon realized that it is not very "practical" when we go for staycations or sleepovers. So, we started to put him to bed by sleeping next to him. We would talk and sing and pray before we fall asleep - together. It is one of the nicest feelings ever to sleep next to your babies really. 

With Sofia, we got used to it because of breastfeeding and now she is just so in tuned with sleeping next to me. We will wait for both of them to sleep then carry them to their own bed. Not for Sofia most of the nights because she just knows. Sofia is the lightest sleeper I know. The moment you let her body lie on her own bed, she opens her eyes and cry. 

So, now she just sleeps next to me. Hah. And it is the cutest thing ever because she will lie her head next to mine and just manja with me OHMYHEART, please. 

We decided that they both will sleep with us until they are old enough (or the room gets too small for us) to move to another room (prayerfully in the new house heh). For now, we are going to enjoy every little moment like this - indeed too precious. 

16 - WHO IS THE STRICTER PARENT?

This is another all-time favorite question. 

We are both very equal in this department. Being working parents, we really rely (a lot) on my parents to discipline them because we are not around during most of their waking hours. 

However, when we are with them, we don't decide who gets to be the bad cop, good cop because we want our kids to realize that not one parent is stricter than the other or one is more loving than the other. With that being said, we believe fully that the parent who scolds/discipline/cane Alex has to be the same parent that explains to him and gives him a hug after all the tears and whatnot. 

Alex will ALWAYS come to me (no matter who is disciplining him) but I will always re-direct him back to Adrian so that they both can have a "closure" to the discipline session. All ends well usually. 

So, to answer that question, we both are equally strict and not-strict. Heh. 

17 - WILL YOUR KIDS HAVE CURFEW NEXT TIME?

Of course, they will have a curfew! What kind of question is this?

They will have a curfew till they get married please. Nothing good (and safe) happens after midnight so yes, they will have a curfew (whether they like it or not). 

The best way is to have their party at our home so no curfew for that. Adrian and I can go to sleep knowing that they are safe in our home and not outside being exposed to drunk drivers and drug addicts or something. 

I'm sorry, Alex and Sofia because your mother will impose curfew till you are ad adult (or married). Love you. 

18 - DOES ALEX SNATCH TOYS FROM SOFIA (OR ANYONE)?

Of course yes! 

This one we really don't know how to implement because it is so hard! AT first we tried to do like how we "teach" him to share his toys but realized quickly that it is not possible. 

Snatching toys from another person is a naughty thing to do. It is not right. 

Whenever Alex snatches a toy from someone, we made sure that he does not get the toy at the end. We would explain to him that it is wrong to snatch and we will return the toy to the kid. 

The same goes for the other way around. Whenever a kid snatches a toy from Alex (and if we happen to see it), we will tell the kid that snatching is a no-no (hoping that the kid will understand) and return the toy to Alex. 

I know of many times and incidents when the snatcher gets away with the toy and I am just really not a supporter of that because it only tells them (the kids) that if they snatch, they will get away with it. 

Truth is they are not supposed to. 

So now when Alex (or Daryl) snatches a toy, we will tell them that it is wrong and then, we will proceed to cane them on their hand. 

I would love to say that both of them have improved in this thing that all kids will go through but truthfully, they still macam the same la. But maybe got improvement la. Hah. 

19. HOW DO YOU SPLIT YOUR TIME & ATTENTION WITH BOTH YOUR KIDS?

What a good question ah. 

Let's see - I honestly don't know if the attention and time spent with these two are equal because very hard to judge eh. 

Sofia takes more naps than Alex and Alex can converse with us very easily now so I would say that maybe Alex gets more time with us because he talks a lot and we always reply to him wan right. Cannot like ignore him when he asks curious questions. 

But then again, whenever Sofia is awake, she needs/wants someone to be by her side - whether sitting down with her or carrying her around. 

As for attention, both get the same. 

In the beginning, when Sofia was still a newborn, Alex gets most of his attention from Adrian, whereas I spent more time with Sofia. 

20. HOW ARE YOUR KIDS WHEN THEY GO TRAVEL WITH YOU?

Surprisingly, they did okay. With Alex, we have had more experiences in terms of traveling because he has been outside the country with us, on a plane for like 5-6 hours and he didn't do that bad if I recall correctly. He did not do so great in car seats when we were in Perth but in an overall rating, I would say he did quite good. 

For Sofia, we usually had short trips via driving. The furthest also I think it was a drive to KL, and with her, we did not have any issue with car seats because she slept all the way through. 

When we are out and she gets sleepy, we just carry her with our Ergobaby and she will sleep like a baby heh. For Alex, when he gets sleepy, he tends to cry a lot, at the little things. But overall, still okay. 

That is probably why we travel so much with them - to prepare them for different "scenarios" and mostly because we super travel kaki. Hah. 

21. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TRANSITION FROM HAVING 1 KID TO HAVING 2 KIDS?

The biggest transition - hmm. 

I think for me, it is definitely trying to find that ideal balance in terms of giving my time and attention. When we have only Alex, my time was basically divided into 3 parts - for my husband, for my son, and for myself. 

Then, when Sofia came, the whole "time arrangement" became invalid, and to be absolutely honest, I was feeling a bit lost because it was so hard to find time for ALL - to make all parties happy, including myself - my me time. 

By the time I finished playing with Alex, I had to nurse Sofia and by then, I would be too tired to do anything other than go sleep (which sort of became my 'me' time). 

It was when Adrian started sharing his 'concerns' of how I was not spending enough time with him that I realized that I had to seriously find that ideal balance again. I was subconsciously 'ignoring' him because I assumed that he would understand - since he is an adult ma right. Wrong. 

With that, it made me realize that I need to make time to be with my husband - to hang out, drink tea, lay on the couch, and watch lame Youtube videos. But it was hard. If I choose to spend time with Adrian, that means I am sacrificing my 'me' time after the babies sleep - not that I am selfish or what la okay but I feel having a 'me' time really helps me heal mentally and emotionally. 

But now - so happy to say that we have gotten the groove going and the balance is found. Yasss! It is such a win because now everyone happy - including myself. 

Big thanks to our families really for always willing to take care of Alex & Sofia whenever we need to get away for a while. So blessed. 

22. WHAT KIND OF SCHOOLS WILL YOU SEND ALEX & SOFIA TO IN THE FUTURE?

We are not really sure at this moment. 

What we can say is that we will most likely (99.8%) not gonna home-school them because we are all about having an active social life with people and I feel that home-schooling is just not about that. 

I want to say that we are definitely never going to send them to an international school, but now I am not sure. Hah. I mean - never say never right. Hah. 

But most likely our children will go to a public school - probably a Chinese school in primary years, I guess. Too bad if you go to an International School, you are not allowed to enroll in public school liau.

Still many years la to think about this because Alex only 2-years old eh.  

I GUESS THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. 

So yeah - I cannot think of any more so these shall do. 

Our parenting "style" is a lot of preparing our children for the worse kind of scenario (like losing their parents) and having the ability to take care of themselves and their siblings. In this case, Alex taking care of Sofia (physically, mentally, and emotionally) if one day something bad happens to Adrian and me. We never want that day to happen but we need to know that our kids are independent and can take care of themselves. 

I took this quiz and apparently, the result came out and I am a FREE RANGE MAMA! You can try this quiz on your own and see what you get and if it is spot on! 

Spot on, to be honest. Heh. 

Till next time, bye now. 

2D1N Kuala Kurau, Perak.

Remember the "solo trip" I had with Contiki back in May 2019 where I was away from my husband and Alex for nine days? 

It was my first time in Europe and I was pregnant and being away from my family sucks big time, even though I did enjoy myself there. 

But since then, I told myself that I will never go on holiday with my baby because it was the hardest thing in the world! Being away from Alex that whole nine days was pure torture and really, I was emotionally so down. 

So, ever since then we always try to plan for holidays and "try" to exclude the kids but we will never do it because I know I sure super sad wan. 

Then when Shanice invited us to go on this trip, I said yes almost immediately because we have never been to Kuala Kurau and since we can only cuti-cuti Malaysia, why not la right. 

When we were working out the details like how to fit the car seat into the company's van and whatnot, we realized that it is quite troublesome to bring my two kids since it is only a one-night kind of getaway. I mean - like we have to bring a lot of things so the idea of not bringing them was brought up. 

After much discussion with Adrian and my parents, we decided that they will spend a night at the grandparents' while Adrian and I go enjoy our two-days-one-night getaway to Kuala Kurau. 

We did miss them immediately when we checked-into the homestay. We said, "Ohh Alex would love it here, can run around"

But we also did had a great time dating (sort of) and making new friends! This short trip made me realize that it is so crucial that husband and wife must take a night off some time to go on a staycation or something because, for me, I felt like I connected (back) with my husband. 

It is not like we were on bad terms or something, but it was very refreshing to be able to spend the night together, talking and laughing at the silliest thing - without having to quickly shower for the kids and put them to bed and one of us ended up being too sleepy to talk or watch a movie together at the end. 

Anyway, so here are some photos from the trip. We absolutely loved the kampung-feel at the homestay where we were staying at - MyHome Twenty One. You can find them on Airbnb but if you go through my company (Holiday Tours Penang), you get more things included like transportation and meals! 

If you do not know, Kuala Kurau is located in Perak and it takes about an hour from Penang - super near to Penang in our opinion. 

Also, disclaimer dulu ya - not all the photos are taken by me. I was too busy trying to take video shots so most of these photos are from Bruce and Kelvin. Told you we made new friends :) Love it!

If you are so busy and no time to read this post, then can click on the video and go watch also no problem wan. AND REMEMBER TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE. 

Really a very short and quick getaway ya. Heh. 

Till next time, bye now. 

What is Change?

Change is inevitable. 

Heard of that before? If not, then you have been living inside a cave, is it? Heh. 

Anyways, my recent post mentioned that my last days with Holiday Tours are till the end of October, but turns out it is not! Hah. 

I will not be leaving this company after all!

There are some changes to the current role and looks like I will very much still be employed but with more flexibility - working from home, etc. 

I will not say I am excited to be taking on this "new role" because it really is not like a new-new role. More like now my main role is very much focused on one thing - instead of like doing sales and events and things. 

I will be very focused and very flexible in terms of my working time which I really wanted because I really want to spend more time with my two minis and to make more memories with them. 

I will also try to teach them like ABC, 123, time, and whatnot. The keyword is I TRY. Heh. 

I am not a teacher material and definitely do not have the level of patience teachers have. That is why I always feel that teachers should be paid more than what they are earning because whatever they teach, is whatever our children learn ya. 

So yeah - cannot wait for the "new job" to begin! 

World versus Coronavirus.

This pandemic is really something. Being in a lockdown for the first time brings a whole new meaning to what life is all about. I mean - this kind of lockdown can make a lot of people feel very stressed and anxious - evidently seen in supermarkets when toilet rolls and baking supplies run out so fast. 

Of course, coming out of the 3-months lockdown has also taught all of us things and made us realize a few things too so there are some goods out of this pandemic. But still. 

Everyone in the world now fights against one common enemy and that is Miss Rona. Some are affected because they have lost their loved ones to this virus or lost their job because the company can no longer support them due to business not doing well et cetera. 

Working in a travel company at such a time is really not a good thing. 

When the borders remained closed (till Dec 2020), that means our clients (corporate mostly) are not able to travel for their business duties whatsoever, and since 80% of our business depends on corporate travels, this is really a bad thing. 

As expected, right after the MCO and our first Town Hall Meeting with our owner, Dato Loy - we all received our first wave of pay cuts. Boo. Then, they removed half of our allowances (for sales and runners), and not long after that, most of our benefits that require the company to spend money (claims on dental, etc) were also stripped off. 

Don't ask me if legally they can do that because I have zero ideas but I supposed the company has consulted their lawyers before making major decisions like that. 

Our HQ in KL started the first round of retrenchment where it was believed that many did not expect to receive a 24-hours notice to clean their tables, return all assets that belong to the company, and leave the family just like that. I believed tears were flowing in our gigantic office that day. 

It was Penang's turn the next day and same as KL, those who got the 24-hours notice did not see it coming at all - did not expect that they will be the one to be kicked out (sort of). Of course, people were crying. It was a sad day. 

It is one thing to tender your resignation and voluntarily leave the company and it is another thing to be asked to leave the company (in 24-hours!) - I can only imagine the emotions that were so mixed up. 

Imagine you are asked to go into the boss' room and in less than 10 minutes, your life changed - you no longer have a job and you have to say goodbye to your workplace (of which you spend most of your waking hours at) and colleagues - all on the same day. 

Sure, you can always grow the friendship outside of the office but it is a completely different feeling. I bet it leaves you clueless and lost in the moment. 

I was not particularly close to those who got retrenched but it was emotional enough for me to shed a few tears to see them clear their table and leave. 

This pandemic is really something. 

Despite the company's effort to keep the ship and all its people on-board and to continue sailing, sadly it is not possible. Now, our company is trying to make sure that the ship does not sink. So, we totally understand the pay cuts and removal of allowances and benefits and a few rounds of retrenchment. After all, we are about 300 staff strength. 

All our branches are still operating but if domestic travels do not pick up in sales, I doubt we can survive this year really. 

The news is another round of retrenchment is going to happen and who knows what is going to happen - if more people are going to get cut this time. 

We have been trying to push and get people to travel domestically because really, our Tourism Industry needs it - but people are afraid to travel because there are still cases reported in Malaysia and I totally get it. 

BUT IT IS JUST SO HARD TO SEE THIS SHIP SINKING LIL BY LIL in all honesty. Sakit hati definitely. 

My husband gets a lot of WhatsApp messages from me on this hotel got promo lah, this 3D2N package very worth going lah, etc. You cannot imagine how often I tell him about how badly I want to go for staycations and trips around Malaysia. Lucky for me - he is also a travel bug so yay. 

With all these pandemic dramas ongoing and who knows where this is heading, and with many other personal reasons and motivations, I have decided to say goodbye to this company - of which I went back to, early 2019 because it really is a great company. But I guess this is where my story ends with Holiday Tours. 

I have 2 months left with this company and really, I am thankful for all the opportunities that were given to me, and HTT will always have a special place in my heart. I mean - if you are looking to get a job in a tourism-related company, please have Holiday Tours & Travel as your first choice. It is the best in Malaysia. Top in the industry, please. No fight at all. 

I look forward to working on other things in my life and my top priority is, of course, my two kids. They are growing up too fast and I will not want to miss anymore milestones and I want to be their teacher in everything. Hah. 

I try lah okay. 

I cannot be a teacher, to be honest. And no, I am not homeschooling my children. Heh. I am not so disciplined and smart. Hah. 

Anyways, this pandemic sucks big time but I have also seen and experienced some goodness out of it. Better days ahead I believe. 

Oh - we also had to say goodbye to our 5D4N trip to Vietnam (all expenses paid for). Our kids (if they go) also no need to pay for anything. We just literally had to get our passports renewed, pack our bags, and go. Everything is planned and paid for. WHAT IS THIS. I guess it is just not meant to be.

Till next time, bye now. 

I Did Brazilian Waxing at Strip Penang! What Now?

 Yep - you read it right. Nothing wrong with your eyes. 

Another thing on the list got ticked. 

If you did not already know, I have always been curious about many things, and going for a waxing session is one of them. Not just any waxing okay - like on the legs or underarms. 

One of the reasons why I never actually go for it is because they are expensive, and I mean I am not willing to pay so much money to remove hair on certain parts of my body, please. I can do that myself - or get my husband to do it for me. 

Of course, it is also because I am scared la okay. Scared of the pain and although everyone online says that it is painless la, and they had such a wonderful experience la - common sense still shouting loudly that it is going to hurt when they pull the wax strips from your skin. 

So, it was delayed. The curiosity on this one was not that strong - not until one day, Beverly came to our house with her mini wax machine and started waxing some of us. She started doing nose hair waxing on the guys because Andrew claimed that it is not painful at all. 

Of course, Adrian went for it. Okaylah - Adrian said actually not painful, but he and Josh both screamed like girls when Beverly was going to pull it out from there nose. So manly I know. Heh. 

Anyways, she tried on my legs, and surprisingly, it was not painful at all and I kinda enjoyed the whole process of it. So, that was how this whole curiosity came out again. 

Then what do you know! 9.9 came and Fave sent me an email and I clicked on it and the next thing I know, I also clicked "Buy Now!". 

I called Strip Gurney Paragon immediately and scheduled an appointment the very next day. I was not going to give myself a lot of time to run away from it. Later reality sets and I got freaked out so the faster I go through with it, the better. 

To be honest, I was very nervous to experience a waxing experience on my hoo-ha because in my head, of course, it is going to hurt like crazy. Not as much as labor pain (nothing is more painful than giving birth really) but I was super nervous. 

I was even more nervous when I stepped into the shop and was greeted by 3 ladies. Hopefully, they cannot tell I was sweating inside so hard it is crazy. 

I was then ushered into a room and given certain instructions and then I lie on the bed - covered with a clean plastic sheet and covered myself with the towel given. 

My wax therapist named Chom (who is a Siamese, married to a Technician working in Prai and she has a 3yo girl who she sends to a local nanny that she pays RM800/monthly). You will be surprised how easy it is to get to know someone when you go through such an "intimate" process. Heh. She was such a lovely person. 

Anyways, she started waxing my underarms because it's the easiest I supposed and painless for sure. It felt like a massage la, please. Hah. It was finished so fast I didn't even realize it. 

So when it was time for her to wax my hoo-ha, I became speechless for a while because I did not know what to expect. So I asked her questions and in my effort to try to distract me from freaking out, we talked about our personal life. Heh. We shared life stories and jokes. 

So, how did the whole Brazilian waxing went? 

Okay right - so if you go read reviews on Brazilian Waxing, and most (probably about 80%) will claim that it is painless and it's a very comfortable experience, etc. 

Let me tell you something. 

IT WAS PAINFUL. 

Let no one tells you otherwise. 

How can it be painless? The therapist will spread a layer of hot wax onto your hoo-ha and when the wax is dried up, they will then pull it off. Yes, pull it off. No slow motion all, please. Chom always gave me like a heads-up when the wax is ready to be peeled off and I would hold my breath. 

Brazilian waxing is a painful procedure because it is done all over your hoo-ha. But it is the kind of pain where it lasts for like 2-seconds and then gone no more pain - because now that pain shifts to the other side of the hoo-ha. Heh!

It was my first full-on Brazilian waxing experience and I have to say that I loved it! It was surely painful and all but it was also very satisfying to see the end product of it. I mean - it's really something la okay. 

The pain is very bearable, and yes - in that 2-seconds after they peel off the wax, your body will shake in response to the sudden pain, but after that, all is good again. 

So, was it worth the RM58?

Definitely yes! The original price is RM129 (I think), and actually, I am not sure if I will be willing to spend that money every 2 months or so to get waxed. We will see. 

So, if you have not tried before, I would highly recommend you try it because aren't you like curious about how it will feel and how it will make you feel after the whole thing?

I feel quite sexy la, to be honest! HAHA. Okay - TMI!

Till next time, bye now. 

In Loving Memory of Pastor Lim Heok Cheow.

The impact is bigger than imagined. 

It is surreal that Pastor Heok Cheow is no longer reachable via his phone, FB, or home visits. Every time when I think of that, I become sad. It is one of the hardest goodbyes.

My only regret is not calling/visiting him earlier.

We have arranged for a dinner party at his house on the day he passed away. If only we did the dinner party a week earlier. So many 'if only' so I'm going to stop.

I mentioned this in my eulogy so here it is again.

When I first met Pastor HC who was the Youth Pastor back then in 2003 (I was 15yo), I was scared of him. He looked strict and serious, but later on, I found out that he is such a funny and relatable man. You would know because he is loved by so many people especially young people.

You would also know how he loves to exaggerate certain things in his stories (most of the time real-life stories okay) and he always managed to bring the life out of each story that he had ever told. It's as though we were there when we were really not. 

There was once when he (the only adult among us at that time) brought the youth leaders (a bunch of young people) to Langkawi for a "leaders getaway" where we would spend some time there praying and seeking God's direction in our lives and ministry. 

Once we were driving down Cenang Beach and he told us that there is this mall where they charge an entrance fee of RM2 per person. You will get a packet of tissue upon payment. Immediately, we were all like, "Who would pay RM2 to use a toilet?" 

He went on to praise this supposedly 5-stars toilet and convinced ALL of us to give it a try. Can I just say again that we were just a bunch of young people with very limited moolahs! But guess what. 

We did. 

We paid RM2 per person to go see this really-amazing-must-experience-toilet that Pastor Heok Cheow talked about.

IT WAS HORRIBLE PLEASE. My house toilet is so much better than this toilet. The floor was wet, the sink was wet and slightly dirty and the cubicles were meh. 

Of course, he was bombarded by our "complaints" when we got into the van again. I remembered he just burst into the biggest laughter as though he has successfully tricked us all. It was such a precious moment. One of the many precious moments we have had with this God-loving man. 

From then on, every time he tells us a story, we would jokingly ask him to tone it down and not kesi-kesi add elements to it. I loved that he was such a relatable and down to earth that we could be ourselves when with him. He was not judgemental and he was not critical. 

Surely, he had taught and corrected us in our ways but never once, I ever felt condemned or looked down even by Pastor Heok Cheow. 

Working alongside him (a few times as a staff) has been great and a blessing. 

I do not cry in front of people (other than family) but this man and Ps Cowan have seen me at one of my weakest times and I am forever thankful because these two are God-sent. Excuse me, Pastor Cowan - this is not a eulogy for you so you don't perasan. Surely you will live long, please. 

It sucks that I was not able to "send" him off by being there but I know in my heart, he will never be forgotten. I have finally un-sync his calendars on my phone. And I will never forget the sound of your super-exaggerated-laughter that will shake the room and your love for big prawns every time you have your nasi kandar and your quick snooze in front of your desktop and your mega-deep biblical materials. 

I miss you, Noonday Sun. 

Enjoy dancing with Jesus :) Till we see you again one day.