This is for the four of you, Sha Family.

I didn't want to write this. It took me this long, because it was really difficult to pen down how I feel, and to open that can of emotions again. 

But here goes - the second time. 

Summary of my life - I have 2 sisters. I am a middle child. My younger sister, Vanessa packed her bags and moved 900km down south last year. We visited her shortly after and I wrote a little something for her. 

Not long after Vanessa told us about her move, my other sister, Rachel received her migration visa (after 7+ years of waiting). So, they also packed their entire life into so many boxes and moved 6,600km even more down south. It was a huge blow for us, for me. 

I didn't know how to process them or how to accept it. It was such a journey for me to be honest. To an extreme point, I considered moving our lil family and my parents too. Heh. Trust me, both Adrian and I had this "migration talks" many many times. For me, family is so important, and I just cannot see myself growing old without being physically close to both of them. 

Anyways, Malaysia is and will always be our home. It's a topic for another day. 

Months after they settled down in Australia, we all booked our air tickets for a family holiday there. Was it necessary? Absolutely yes 100%. No question. 

We were in the same house everyday (imagine the noise level and chaos hah), and talking almost never stops. I miss it a lot. There were also disagreements (yes during family holidays) because tell me please, which family unit is perfect? Okay fine, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I just know that I love our imperfect family. A lot of ups and downs, but we go through them all anyways. 

We got to walk with the kids to school, and explore their little neighbourhood, and eat foods that they usually eat. It was necessary and so comforting. I also got to hug and squeeze my OG baby girl and OG baby boy. They are so grown up now my heart cannot take it. Also yes, their face also macam angmo-fied. Heh. 

They are so happy, and I love seeing how they have built such a lovely life together there. It's really them against the world now. 

I have to admit that coming home from this family trip, made it a lot harder. A lot harder for this LDR to carry on. I find myself looking back at the photos and videos, (too often) and just pausing to smile, and wishing I was back there. I have missed every small and big moment. It's just so heavy. 

I know it's going to get easier as time goes by and that's the scary part for me. I don't want the LDR to get any easier because that just means we have to grow up and older without each other in the same time-zone/weather-zone. The scary part is when it gets easier, and so normal. I rather have this occasional heartaches and wishing that they would be back here, than feeling the normal in doing things together but worlds apart. 

I don't want to get use to seeing Sha Lynn and Daryl become a teenager through a phone screen, or getting regular photo and video updates. I want in person, and live. If only we can all take turns to travel to the countries we are at and stay for a few months. If only. Ugh. The struggle is real, but what choice do we have? 

Amidst these big feelings, I am so happy for them, and proud. It's weird but it's such as huge life-changing thing to pack up your life and move to a foreign land. And they did it - with courage and faith because they know God is watching them, and ahead of them at every step. Of course we all going to cry a lot, but it's okay. Those are mostly happy tears. 

This is for the four of you - Kah Wei, Rachel, Sha Lynn and Daryl. 

Kah Wei, the big brother that I never got to have until my sister said yes to marrying you. You speak what is right, and you don't shy away from it, or the truth. If I need to hear it, you would say it. Often times, it's hard to hear it, but hey, truth hurts heh. Thank you for taking this leap of faith with your wife, and kids. I know it's not easy to pack up your life and home and move so far away. I won't say I was supporting it 100% before, but this is what family does, and I do now. We will support and cheer you on no matter what, no matter where. I am grateful that it is you, my sister got to do life with. I am grateful that Sha Lynn and Daryl has you as their daddy. You love people differently, and know that it hasn't gone unnoticed. Thank you for always being yourself, no masks, no hidden agenda. Just you as you are. 

Thank you for being the one of the best ah-tiaus for Alex, Sofia and Adam. You are not afraid to help us discipline them, and to teach them right from wrong, and I never say it, but I am so thankful for that. Everytime before we part ways from a gathering, you would always remind them, "You all are good boys and girl. Help mommy and daddy. Listen to them okay?" Thank you for stepping in everytime you see us struggle with the kids. Our three cikus look up to you a lot. You are a gem and one in a million. 

Sha Lynn, what a journey it has been to watch you grow. I remembered the indescribable joy I felt when your parents told us they were pregnant with you and then when we got to hold you, we just want to protect you with everything we got. You were the first baby, and I remembered having to fight with Sasa to take care of you, especially during the night feeds. 

I remembered once when you were a little girl. I was scolding you and you cried. While crying you said to me, "You don't love me because you only scold me, and not Daryl!" That was a big statement and I remembered it until now. After you calmed down, I brought you to my room and explained to you, that it is because I love you, that I need to discipline you (on behalf of your mom) and teach you right and wrong. Your mom gave me permission wan ha. Heh. Being the smart girl you are, you understood and we hugged.

I love you so much and don't ever forget that. You will grow up there, and even though we are continents apart, don't ever forget how much we love you, and how much I will cheer you on - in every season of your life. Always be true to yourself. It is going to be hard, but you are a strong girl. It's in your genes. I miss you, and I always will. Also, whatever your mom doesn't let you buy, just tell me okay? I will buy for you. Heh. 

Daryl, our second baby whom we got to love so fiercely. I say fiercely because you are different, in the best way. You don't want to talk until you are like way older. Got all of us worried for a bit ya. I love how you think, how you respond and how you give. You are quick in your mind when it comes to answering silly things. You are playful, and happy. Mostly smiling. Or crying when your true love (aka your mother) scolds you or ban you from your electronics. 

I love hugging you because you don't ask for it. The more you shy from it, the more I want to give it, tightly. I love looking at your face and notice how you move your little nose, and how you unconsciously touch your ears every now and then. I love (maybe just a tiny lil bit) how slow you eat and how you would stress everyone out because of how playful you get during mealtimes. It's funny now, but not so funny when it is happening ya. 

But know this. I love you like my own. You and your sister. You may come out from your mom, but I will always be both your second mother. Even though we cannot go to your sports play and stuff, always know and imagine that we are there to shout your name and probably embarrass you. Heh. Also, same thing like Sha Lynn. Whatever you want that your mother doesn't allow, tell Sarah ee ee. I am here to spoil you two hehe. 

Jie, our childhood was interesting heh. The constant fights and the 'I want to follow you to your friends' hangouts' and you would get so annoyed with how clingy I was to you. This is what happens when we are so close in our age. Getting to call you as my 'Jie' is one of the biggest most precious blessings God has given me. You know when something doesn't sit right with me. You know when to speak and when to not. You know how to mother me even before you became a mother. It is because of mom and you that I know I want to be a mom and have my own troops one day, and look at us now. 

You love to hug, me not so much, but you make sure you give them to me anyways, because somehow deep inside, you just know that it was all I needed. I wouldn't have taken it for granted if I knew now I can only have them hugs every once a year. Heh. 

I may not say it enough, but I am happy for you. You are my role model (hands down) and nothing would ever change that. Not even when we get into arguments and say nasty things to each other. I love you, and I am proud of you. You are crazy to love studying and always looking for ways to improve yourself. It's insane, and it's definitely not in our genes. Because Van and I are not like that. Heh. 

Thank you for being strong. I know it's not easy to build from ground zero again there. But I see you, I am amazed because you never give up. You keep going, and going. Even when there is no support from us physically there. I don't know how many times you have shed tears because of how you miss home, but we are here. Next time, text Van and I - we cry together. Heh. Less lonely. 

I miss you a lot. I miss sitting next to you, and see your face. I miss listening to your voice, live. I miss seeing your cry and laugh at the same time (inside family joke) heh. I miss you, and I am counting down to when I can see you again. 

I love you all, Sha Family - with all my heart <3

Till next time, bye now.

Why Parents Should Go For Date Nights?

Why not?

Ever since both Adrian and I leveled up and became parents, we quickly realized the importance of having 'date nights' - us time, without the children.

It is very easy to get caught up with work, and trying to juggle the parent and spouse hat at the same time. 

We realized that when we don't prioritize having date-time, we let out on each other subconsciously. It can be via mean words, absent body language, and minimal eye contacts. We could become very rude to each other without realizing them. This is a true story for both Adrian and I. 

It is usually really hard to plan for date nights unless we have family and friends volunteering to help us watch the kids for a few hours, which we are always so thankful for. If it's going on a short trip without the children, that's the cherry on top of the cake. Hah. 

The reality is that we also don't want to trouble people so often to take care of our kids just so we can have 'quiet time' with each other. So one of the things we try to do is squeezing in 15-30 minutes for a quick breakfast before work or trying to intentionally do something together at night after they go to bed - like watching a movie together. 

The problem with the movie idea is that we both like completely different kind of genres! So, it's a lot of compromising. In the end, we realized watching movie is not very effective for us. We rather watch it on our own. Hah. 

We do other things like, going to the gym at night (rare), or go night swimming (one of our fav but lesser now because the chlorine may make me itch after), or go supper down the street (trying not to supper anymore), or meeting up for lunch (when he comes to the area) or like anything else that works - even if it's for only 10 minutes. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS IN 10 MINUTES WHEN THERE IS NO NOISE AND DISTRACTION - 100%.  

We haven't had a consistent thing that we always do, other than winding down before bedtime on our bed - but these days, it was either he will sleep first or I would be in dreamland already. 

I guess this post isn't saying anything, except that every couple (especially ones with children) MUST go on date nights intentionally. 

It is okay to ask your family or friends to help you with your children for a few hours so you both can have a nice, uninterrupted mealtime to focus on you two. It's healthy and it will strengthen your bond - which is so important for children's growth.

We truly believe that amazing things happen when you have quality time with your other half and your children (especially) will get to experience that kind of love and commitment. 

Every time Adrian and I get to have a longer date nights/trips, we always come home with something new, something good. During these dates, we usually share about our struggles (in details) at work, and at home and the things that makes us happy and drives us. We put ourselves in each other's shoes, and think of ways we can be better - together. 

It's like re-calibrating both our goals and wants and how we gonna get there. Same thing as checking our car's alignments after a few months or something right. 

Our most talked about topic is parenting (surprise surprise). If you don't already know, we love being parents to our three doremi. LOVE IT TOO MUCH. Parenting has taught us a lot about ourselves, and how we work as a pair. 

We would bring up incidents that happened, and discuss how to respond better in similar situations. We also try to think of ways to affirm the kids differently because of how the 3 of them are just so different. So yeah, it is just a constant checking in with each other and believe it or not. Even though we live in the same house, and sleep on the same bed, it is actually very difficult to have these kind of conversations. 

First, because the children are always listening and looking. Second, because after every 2 sentences we say, there will be "Mamy! Dady!" or "Mamy! Adam eating my rice!" or "Dady! Play ball with me!" or "Mam maam maaaammm". 

We love our kids to the ends of the world, but hello, it is impossible to think straight or hear your own thoughts when they are constantly asking for your attentions. It's cute but when it's too much - it's too much! Heh. 

Anyways, I thought to share this here, because you are not selfish for wanting to have quiet time with your spouse, and time away from your children. In our case, date nights are one of the things that made us better partners and parents. So, we really do try to make it happen. 

If you ask us, we highly recommend it. If it's difficult to get someone to watch the kids, start with once a month. Set the date and put it in the calendar. Ask a fellow parents friend to help babysit for a few hours. They would be more than happy to do so, because it takes a village. 

Trust your village, and let's be better spouse and parent together :) 

P.S. Please never hesitate to ask us for help. My children will especially love it if they could have playdates with humans their age and size! I'm serious. 

Go get your deserved date nights, please. 

This is for you, Vanessa Khoo.

We took this selfie because her office building is in the background somewhere. 

I have been wanting to write and dedicate this post to my sister since she moved to another country, but I could not do it without the heavy heart feeling and without crying. It was a painful adjustment, but here I am, and here it goes. 

*Sasa, you can go take tissue first, because I know you sure cry no matter what I say hah*

When she first told us about a job opportunity in Singapore, I was not 100% supportive. I was probably only 60% for it, but when we found out that she has always wanted to live an independent life like how this job would give, I forced myself to give her my 100%. 

When Vanessa left for Singapore, she brought a part of me with her. We have always been that clingy-overly attached trio (with Rachel). So, her moving away was a difficult one. It was a tough reality. I supported her decision, because why would I hold her back, just because it's going to be difficult. She wanted this for herself, and we are 100% behind her. 

She adjusted very well (with loads of tears for sure) there, but for me to adjust to our new norm without her, I needed a 'closure'. Okaylah, I won't call it closure. So drama like break-up ni. It was more like I need to move on happily. Hah. It does sound like a break-up and closure. 

But anyways. 

I needed to see what her new life is like. I needed to see that she's happy and well, despite the homesickness. That was my main reason for the recent trip. Because if she was not happy and really miserable, I would do everything I can to get her back, to convince her to come home. 

But she's happy, and thankful, and thriving. 

The trip to Singapore was almost a no-go, but I am really glad that we did it. Now, I can imagine being there with her, even though I am not. It’s a very complicated feeling, which I don’t love. I saw where she worked at, her daily commute, the type of food she eats, and the neighbourhood. If I could go see her office cubicle or table and sit on the chair she sits in office, I would. Hah. Told you I am overly attached. 

Vanessa Khoo Yoong May. 

I am extremely proud of you ♥️ You have grown to become an amazing woman who continues to give selflessly and loves so graciously to people around you. Singapore is now more 'majulah' and blessed because you are there. 

You are strong and you did the one thing I would never be able to do. You left a very comfortable place, and go on an adventure that you have always wanted. When you wake up every morning in this foreign land, know that you did it. 

What you did is difficult. It's impossible for me even. Leaving us, your friends, your safest place, your support system, your chicken rice is tough, but you did it. 

I want to tell you, that even though you are younger than me, you are my role model in many areas. I have so many things to learn from you, the way you live your life and how you love. Both you and Rachel are my role models, in different areas. This is why I am very blessed ♥️

So yes, both Adrian and I are very proud of you. Dad and mom are proud of you. Kah Wei and Rachel are proud of you. I can say that on their behalf because we are super proud of you. 

Sha Lynn, Daryl, Alex, Sofia and Adam miss you everyday. And you miss us terribly, for sure. But please don't feel bad about missing out on family events, and doing fun things with us. Singapore is just a plane ticket away. Heh. Your currency is 3.5 times more powerful, so still doable. Heh. 

But seriously, don't worry about us here. We will be okay. We will make this LDR work. 

Also, if one day you have enough of your adventure, and there is no reason for you to stay in Singapore, just pack your bags and come home. Home is always here for you. No matter how long it takes. 

Do I secretly wish you don't find your soulmate who lives in Singapore? Yes. But I want you to be happy. Know that we are always praying for you. 

Love you long long time, little sister. 

Majulah Singapure, and Malaysia Boleh.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness. 

One of the most difficult thing a human must do. 

Regardless of your race, forgiveness is difficult. A choice that each one of us must intentionally make. 

It's been that kind of season for me. 

I thought that these things only happen in teen years, but it's actually a norm in the adult life. You get judged no matter what you do. People don't give grace. Maybe we should not expect grace, I don't know. 

I didn't think I needed to write this and although it may look like I am on a defensive mode, I am actually doing this for me. I am doing this so I can have my closure, and I can go towards forgiveness. 

It's been a ride since I got pregnant with Adam. My skin condition is not a secret. I also don't expect people to give me sympathy. I wasn't looking for it either. I shared about it because I know there would be people out there going through a similar thing with me, and it will help to connect with them and go through it together. Little did I know, what I had was rare. 

Most people recovered after their baby came out. Mine didn't. It affected me mentally. I was on a pause with God. Still, I didn't expect nor did I want sympathy from people. 

I was also already a mom to 2 young toddlers. YOUNG TODDLERS. 

They want our attention most of the time, and they get cranky when they get sleepy or hungry, and they both have different personalities, and love language. I love our lil big family, but they are a lot. They take up a lot of energy and mental space. 

I was fighting my own physical battle, mom-guilt battle and at the same time, giving what I can and have to my career. I was falling sick a lot more than I wanted (obviously! Who wants to be sick?). Try being sick and still having to be a mom 100% at home. It takes all of you. It sucks big time!

I have gone through this "drama" before in my teen years, and I have had someone coming up to me to apologize, years after he heard certain things about me that was not true but he took it like they were true, only to find out that all the things told to him by our mutual friends, were out of context and all lies. 

After so many years, he came up to me and said he was sorry, that he should have approached me and asked. It mended our friendship instantly, and even though we don't see each other often now, we remained good friends. 

It's that season, like I said. 

Things were said about me, behind my back and out of context. When I first heard about it, I was hurt, upset and shocked. They didn't know the reason to what I did. They didn't bother asking me. They assumed and created their own story to portray me to be someone I am not. 

The hurtful part was not even how they portray me to be, and spreading them like hot cakes. It was the fact that they did it as if we don't have a friendship. As if I'm an enemy that they intend to bring down. There were no conversations with me about it. Zero. 

They just think it's the most mature thing to do and that is to just tell everyone they know that Sarah is like this because she did this. They didn't even know why I had to do it, or if I actually wanted to do what I did. 

I hoped for grace, and understanding. But clearly I was not on the same page, and that was my fault to assume that they would give me some grace, and walk alongside me. 

I had many anxiety attacks this year, and what made it tougher to overcome was the fact that when I am with my children, I try my absolute best to put a front so I could be the kind of mom they need now. I don't always successfully do it. Adrian stepped in a lot to help. But the anxiety attacks don't wait for the 'perfect time' to come. They just come as and when. For a few months, I felt like I was drowning. Heh. 

The things that were said about me, they didn't hurt me. Because there were no truths in them. I had valid reasons and I am going to live with that. I shared my story, and that's because I feel like everyone deserved to know. I cried before I even began telling the whole story. 

It was that difficult. 

But I knew that to start forgiving people, it starts with that. It starts with me being vulnerable with the team. With the people. 

I am thankful for close friends who have stood by me, despite hearing things about me. They are not parents (yet), but they understood my struggles, and they helped carry my weights. My family has always been 100% there, and never out of the picture. My sisters are God-sent. Talking to them lifts a certain weight off. My husband is hands down, the most understanding and honest man I even know. He is never too afraid to tell me the truth, and loves me harder when I am not that lovable. 

You can keep saying what you want, even without knowing the context, but just know that you shouldn't. It's not right. God wouldn't be pleased. When someone, especially when they are a friend, I recommend going up to them and have a conversation. It will do you more good, then putting an assumption and hurt people along the way. You want to build people up, not tear them apart. You want to be the reason for people to smile, and not cry. 

I am still hurt. I am finding it humanly difficult to forgive. But I want to move on. I want to prioritize what matters now, and unfortunately it is not these rumors, and it's not how I want to live my life. 

This is a closure for me. This is the final chapter on this book. I will move on, and I will forgive you. 

If you have heard things about me and you are unsure, talk to me okay? You can hear my side of story before making up your own. I promise I won't bite you. 

I've learned that forgiveness is a choice. It is personal and it is meant for me (not for them). Forgiving people is hard and it is not forgetting. Forgiving someone also does not mean that you approve of what they did. You can forgive someone and know that what they did was not okay. Forgiveness is also not trust. Forgiving them doesn't mean you can trust them completely again, but it can be rebuild of course. 

For those of you who is finding hard to forgive, start by finding a way to have a closure. It helps me. And I hope it will help you. I think even with a closure, it will take some time to forgive a person entirely, but you will get there. We will get there eventually. 

Side note: if you think my IG stories doesn't benefit you, or it makes you upset, or it annoys you - please don't continue to follow it. It is absolutely fine! I will not hold it against you. To be honest, I never check who follows or unfollows me. I don't care actually. If you think you like to see my daily boring contents, then I hope you will find joy in them. If not, it is perfectly okay to unfollow me :) 

Till next time, bye now. 

Koay's Love Language #42.

We were having a breakfast conversation this morning and I was handling Sofia's car seat.

Me: I think right - next time for sure Sofia won't be scared of me wan.
Him: Why eh?
Me: Alex for sure will listen to me like now since so close right. But Sofia..
Him: Hm..
Me: Because Sofia is your precious girl and you will protect her wan so she won;t be scared of me.
Him: But I am scared of you.

BOTH BURST OUT LAUGHING.

Koay's Love Language #40 - #41.

#40
Him: Ayo, started raining heavy again (while getting ready for work).
Me: Why? Your car no roof ah?
Him: Nolah, scared later my wife cannot fit under the umbrella!
Me: YOU DID NOT JUST OKAY THAT CARD MISTER!

#41
Him:Baby, I cheated on you.
Me: What? You ate Kayu's nasi kandar, didn't you?
Him: HAHAHA yeah I cannot resist.
Me: Tsk tsk tsk.
Him: Jack is my cheat-mate (or mistress)! HAHAHA. 

Koay's Love Language #39.

After the doctors confirmed that I have this thing called Gestational Diabetes..

Him: I will not eat what you're not allowed to eat also okay. We go through this together okay.
Me: Awww. How sweet of you.

Few days later..

Him: *drinking chocolate milk and eating my Cheerios*
Me: I'm not allowed to drink chocolate milk..
Him:Mmhmm. That's why I drink lo. If not waste ma.
Me: What happens to, "I will not eat what you're not allowed to eat also".
Him: *selective hearing*

Koay's Love Language #38.

Me: Can we go for another baby-moon in Penang?
Him: Nope.
Me: Just hotel stay in Penang only. No need to go out wan.
Him: Nope.
Me: One-night stay nia!
Him: Nope.
Me: *Hormonal tears lai liau*

HAHA.

I want another baby-moon!

Koay's Love Language #35 - #37

#35
We went to Kapitan for lunch and ordered their famous must-eat-tandoori chicken and claypot chicken briyani. This man obviously used his hands to enjoy his tandoori chicken and washed it off afterwards.

Me: Oh mannn. Look at your fingers! So orange leh. All that coloring. G! Maybe our son becomes bit orange-y today.
Him: *smiles widely* Sure kena jaundice d like that.
Me: *secretly thinking inside my head that he doesn't really know what causes jaundice & secretly judging him* HAHAHA.

#36
He was saying our every-night-before-sleep-prayer.

Him: Lord, we want to thank you for this baby that's inside Sarah's stomach..
Me: *opens my eyes widely with eyebrows raised*
Him: *continues praying with eyes closed* God, we ask that You would protect and give great health to our baby boy inside this stomach.. *continues to pray for other people*
Me: *opens eyes widely again*
Him: In Jesus name we pray, amen.

After the prayer ended..

Me: You know that the baby is not inside my stomach, right? *judging eyes*
Him: I know la. It's in the womb okay.
Me: Oh phew. I thought you didn't know. PFS student ma, you never know HAHAHA.

#37
Him: From now onwards, you cannot take any red meat already ya. Only eat chicken and fish everyday.
Me: GG like that. 

Koay's Love Language #23 - #33.

"Don't bathe in so hot water ah!"

"You cannot eat too spicy anymore"

"Eat your folic acid d?"

"We need to buy those pregnant people always wear kind of shoes. Very thick and good wan"

*says thank-you prayer to our Maker every night for giving us little dot*

"You must eat more cooked salmon because it's good for the baby"

"Eh, you can start doing Sudoku already. Good for baby also wan"

"Morning my babies"

"When you reach 3 months, you will look like you're in 8-months!"

"You eat d?"

*puts his hand on my belly in the middle of the night and continues to fall asleep*

#sixweekstoday

Koay's Love Language #22.

Him: *reading an article on FB* When you are pregnant, I'm going to keep feeding you with salmon and cod fish. It is said that its very good for the baby..
Me: *eyes wide open* Salmon and cod fish!?!?
Him: Yeah.. You make sure you eat a lot of them so that the baby can get the nutrients etc.
Me: You know those are pretty expensive fish right?
Him: Yeah, I know. For baby okay what!
Me: Ooooh. Like that let's start making babies shall we?HAHAHAHA.
Him: Gila!

Dear Future Husband.

Alert: This may be too sweet geli for you, so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. Heh. When I say 'you', I meant other people okay. Not you, Adrian Koay. You have to read finish all. In fact, you should read a few times and memorize it in your heart :)

I had no intention whatsoever to post something like this here, but I have been feeling very love-y-ish lately as we count down to the big day. I have no idea why.

That and also stress-eating which explains why my tummy is growing and there is no baby in there. Stress-eating is a serious disorder people. I need someone to take my stress away and just stop craving for foods that are not good for the soul! Ah!

Actually I think it's because of the food-tasting dinner that we had last night with our families that made me all so gooey inside. It felt as though we fast-forwarded time and there we were, sitting next to each other, holding hands under the table with occasional pinching because this has got to be a dream.

Anyways, here goes a piece of my heart in this personal space.

The four years of date-ship has been nothing but a roller-coaster ride. I bet you were expecting that I would say 'nothing but amazing'. Hah.

The truth about our relationship is it is not always amazing. We have so much ups and so much downs that if it's in an equation, it will probably be the same amount.

It is not always amazing because how can it be amazing when we were both shouting at each other that even Papua New Guinea can hear us. How can it be amazing when we both didn't want to talk to each other because of yet another fight? How can it be amazing when we both would argue on what color teh toilet carpet should be?

Nope, it is not always amazing. I bet if it is always amazing, we would get bored pretty quickly, because everyday we would be feeling just so amazing, all the time.

It has been and still will be a roller-coaster ride because:

You will lose your cool and utter words that you don't mean once in a while during an argument.
He - 0, She - 1.

I will give you the undeserved silent treatment that I know tortures to the very core of your being.
He - 1, She - 1.

I will give you leg and hand massages after your floorball/futsal/badminton/footbal games.
He - 1, She - 2.

You will go out of your way at times to get food that I crave for. Hopefully this continues when I get pregnant okay.
He - 2, She - 2.

We always have a great time laughing at zero-sense things or at each other.

You will always make a big fuss when I don't hold your hand.
He - 3, She - 2.

We never let a day go by (even when we argue) without saying 'I love you'.

You like to scan through my face to look for blackheads and pimples, and it frustrates me.
He - 3, She- 3.

You said you wanted 3 kids and I wanted 5, so we met halfway and decided to have four.

I love touching your one-pack belly because it annoys you.
He - 4, She - 3.

You got very angry with me when you found out that I'm still driving with an expired license and that I did not bother to change it.
He- 5, She - 3.

I would suggest something and you will immediately say no without a proper discussion, especially if it involves money. Boo.
He - 5, She - 4.

You do not discourage me on travelling because it's something that you love doing too.

You patiently helped me with my 'paranoia' and 'spontaneous mood-swings' that has no reason whatsoever.
He - 6, She - 4.

You always finish up the drinks without care to ask if I wanted some.
He - 6, She - 5.

I will always not wanting to wash the dishes.
He - 7, She - 5.

There. How can it be amazing when sometimes I have to do the dishes because you didn't want to? How can it be always amazing when I give you the silent treatment?

So, it is not always amazing. As much as I hate roller-coaster rides (for real), I enjoyed this one with you, and I don't plan on getting out of this one as long as you're in it too, hun.

I bet there is still so much of each other's horrible habits that we have yet to discover (which we will once I move in heh) and I'm pretty sure also that it will drive both of us crazy, but I want you to know that I love you and who you are in this relationship so there is no need to change okay.

Maybe a few things need to change la.

Like closing toothpaste cap okay, for real. I'm not kidding :)

I don't know what it's like being married to a best friend, but I think right it will be quite drama one. We are like so comfortable with each other that we may not have filters to everything anymore, from the way we sit to the way we pick our nose whenever and wherever we want so that is another adjustment.

So yes hun, I never thought that I would still be 'mold-able' by a person until you came. That's quite a miracle if I may say. Heh. No wonder people always say, 'better-half'.

You are definitely my better-half.

And since I'm a girl and I have to go through all the pain to give you little Koays, that's extra 2 points for me, so He - 7, She - 7.

Win for both :)

#kiasuwifealert

Love you bro.

Bye now. 

Hello July.

July has started and I am not ready to have second part of the year yet.

Too many things on the plate now. 

It is getting a bit more exciting because our invitation cards are going to be out soon so that's pretty huge and time-consuming.

However, I am so ready to be married to this man despite feeling that time passes too fast. I cannot wait to live with him but also not really looking forward to leave my parents and my house.

It is going to be an emotional battle when September comes so we shall see how. 

I decided to blog today because we have exactly

2 months

2 weeks

2 days 

to signing the paper and seal half the deal.

This is by far going to be the most important signature I will ever have to sign. There is no turning back anymore once it happens, so we better be super sure that we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. Till death do us part.

I always tell him that I want to go Heaven first before him because I will not be able to cope living alone without him on earth because it will be too painful. How selfish I know. Hah.

Oh wells.

A girl gotta do what she has got to do.

In Loving Memory of Frankie Koay.

I finally got some time to sit down and think of what I want to write for this special someone. It has been three days since the passing of Adrian's daddy. It's afternoon now on the second day of the funeral and friends/families usually do not come at this hour so I find myself a corner furthest away from the small crowd under a canopy that shields the deadly sunlight from my already-char-huey-tah-skin. 

If I may be real honest here, I would like to share some raw thoughts on Uncle Frankie. No one has ever known or heard this from me. Not even Koay. 

When I first met Adrian's family, I was excited and nervous at the same time. Prior to to the meet, I know that his family practices Buddhism and I never have a problem with that. My only struggle (at that time) was knowing that his dad was a bit against Christianity (reasons will not be mentioned here of course) and I am a Christian so yes, I was afraid that our relationship may not be approved or receive their blessings because Adrian and I have different beliefs (at that time before Adrian encountered Jesus) and yes I was scared that his parents will not like me as much. 

I was wrong. From day one, Uncle Frankie has treated me like his own daughter. Whenever we have family dinner, he will always suggest More More Thai (our favorite Thai restaurant) because Adrian told him that I'm a big fan of Thai food. Even when he is tired, he will still make the effort to play few rounds of mahjong whenever I'm at his house. I'm blessed for sure.

Read on, the best part is coming :)

Uncle Frankie has always been a healthy person despite having to go through dialysis three times a week. He had always eat rightly and exercise whenever he has the energy to. Can you believe it that he has gone through the 4-hours-of-dialysis for 11 years now?

It is sad that this time when a bacteria infected him, his body was too weak to fight against and that led to many other complications. It is heartbreaking, but I know he is now safe with Jesus. He is most likely dancing and singing with the angels in Heaven now. Party all day long. Heh. 

When Adrian became a Christian years ago, his dad was one of those people that he felt/thought will not be so approving of this decision. Turns out, his dad was the most supportive and even followed him to church a few times. Even then, Uncle Frankie remains a Buddhist. 

Adrian prays with his dad and mom every night before they go to bed and that has been a culture that both his parents adapt with. So, normally they will always gather either in the living room or his parents room to pray then they will say goodnight and I love you. 

His parents, most supportive bunch ever. 

When Adrian first asked his dad if he could go through the water baptism, his dad answered him, "Maybe not yet." So, Adrian waited for about another year and asked his dad again. This time, his dad gave the permission and both his dad and mom attended his water baptism and rejoiced with him. That was a memorable day. 

Did you know that on the day we bid the final goodbye to Uncle Frankie, the day his body was turned into ashes, that was also the same day Adrian was baptized, exactly a year ago? Talk about God's perfect timing hah. 

Anyways, when Uncle Frankie was admitted into the hospital, he was in and out of consciousness every now and then and his body was weak. There was one morning where he woke up and told Adrian to gather his mom and sister to be at the hospital. 

As soon as they came, he had asked for their permission to accept Christ as his personal Savior and then Pastor Joseph came and led him on a sinner's prayer. He also went through water baptism okay. This is an amazing story because Uncle Frankie used to be known as someone whom doesn't like Christianity. You cannot even mention about it in front of him. 

Despite all that, he had asked to accept Christ and now we all know he is in Heaven, painless. 

Death is never an easy chapter, especially when it's someone so important to you. 

Hi Uncle Frankie, 

It's been a blessing to me and my family ever since we knew you about three years ago. I am so thankful that my friends even got the chance to know you when they all went over to the house for CNY gathering. 

I am very sad that you won't be there when Adrian and I make our vows, or spoil our children like any grandparents would. I am very sad that I never got the chance to call you father and be a good daughter in law. I am very sad that my children will never get to feel your hugs and kisses and know you like how Wallace and Chloe did. 

But it's all okay because I know that you are where God wants you to be, in His arms with no more dialysis and no more tubes in and out of your body. 

We miss you and we always will. We will see you again in Heaven one day :)

Singing off, your daughter in law to be.

Engagement Dinner For Two.

In the midst of all kinds of moments and seasons, one thing that helps me calm down (literally) is this: blogging.

It may be on random things like this one and this one and this one and this one. Just as long as I blog. So, it could be anything under the sun, moon and stars. 

Recently however, I've noticed that I've been posting a lot on the recent-status-change. Don't blame me okay. It is really a big moment for me, for us. Okaylah, don't know much on the impact for him but at least for me, it seems like everything changed. 

I think the very moment when he posted that YES! SHE SAID photo on Facebook and Instagram, his friends immediately already knew what they were going to do for his bachelor party. More like, where they wanna have his bachelor party. Hangover Part 4. GGDOTCOM liau.

Anyways, for me it was breathtaking. Yeah, I literally forgot to breathe that few seconds and every now and then. The thought of becoming someone's wife in less than a year scares me actually. Not in a really bad way. I don't know. 

I take marriage very seriously and I know once I'm in it, there's no way out. It's really going to be till death-do-us-part and I strongly do not agree with divorce under any circumstances at all. 

I guess because of that, I tend to want to talk about it a lot because I am super excited for it. If you're not excited for me, then you no good friend lah okay. KIDDING!

Anyways, we wanted to celebrate our engagement and remember that day when it happened but because money is something that we cannot simply spend and something that we don't really have (at the moment), we decided that we will not do it with both sides of family. We wouldn't want to celebrate big and pay for a dinner with money that we do not have. Heh. 

So, we decided to have a candle-light dinner together. No candles obviously because candle-light dinner is way too serious and quiet. Hah. I tell you ah we're so not the fine-dine kind of people la. 

It didn't take long for us both to decide where to dine because this place is a place where we always looked past it and will never stop and go in eat. BECAUSE THEY ARE EXPENSIVE APPARENTLY.

And since this is an engagement dinner, we were like, "HOR EE LOK!"

Did you know that we actually postponed our dinner a few times already because both were not in the 'right mood'? WE TOTALLY DID. 

To know where we went for dinner, click sini pergi WhatTwoEatHere tengok. 

We decided to do it on a Monday because then the day started out to be exciting as we both will be thinking of the dinner so no blues. At least for me it wasn't blue. I don't think he ever has problems with Monday blues. He's too in love with the things he does. Hm. 

Anyway, we also made it a point to dress-up for this dinner because it's a big night okay. So, after work, changed into a dress and put on nice make-up and wore heels. Mood also was right so best giler ya. I think he saw that I wear so nice d then only he quickly change to another shirt in the car. Heh. 

He brought flowers before dinner. No, seriously he did. HOW ROMANTIC CAN.

He called for booking earlier and requested for a romantic corner and guess where they placed us? 

Right next to the window, which was perfect I guess except there was no view also. It basically sees the main road and carpark. Heh. But what other view do I need since I have my lover in front of me, right? HAH! GELI!

We dined and wined and talked about everything other than the wedding planning because that could end up in either two ways. 

One, we will end the topic realizing that there is a lot of work to do and bring to ourselves the extra stress that we don't want during dinner. 
Two, we will set the mood off because we will reach to yet another junction and both will 'argue' till we agree to disagree in the end, and boy you wouldn't want to be with us when we are at that junction because the debate is endless okay and loud. Hah.

So yes, no wedding talks. Just us and pointless topics. 

Then, after that we went to our potential-wedding-ceremony venue and walked around. It's so beautiful at night oh goodness. Too bad our wedding ceremony is going to be in the morning. Heh.

Oh right. At first, we didn't want to talk about the wedding right? So, we went to that place and still did not really talk about it. We just kinda stood there and looked at it and smiled. 

I think we both tried to imagine the whole ceremony in the back of our heads at that place. As much I want to reveal where that place is, Muthu suggested that we wait till we get confirmation on the venue then only reveal! Ahhh, the suspense I tell you. 

All I can say is the place is AMAZING, DREAMS-COME-TRUE-HERE, IT'S-OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD AND IT'S WHAT WE'VE IMAGINED OUR WEDDING TO BE AT.

Okay, I may have just increased all your expectations on this place and if it turns out not so great for some of you, the feelings sure horrible. Okay, you know what? JUST WAIT FOR THE REVEAL! COMING SOOOON! :)

After like 10 minutes there, it started drizzling and we decided to go home and rest. I took the longest shower while he plays with his Samsung (pfft, change to iPhone already please) and was in my most comfortable jammies. Oh my, nothing beats that. 

My hair all tied up, I have bedak on my face and we shared a bottle of Somersby, while watching Masterchef Australia. Well, I watched the Masterchef. He? He was watchin Youtube with his phone on funny videos or something. But still best kind of night. 

Four years ago, I would not have seen myself here to be with this weirdo. I do see both of us as best friends for life kind of thing but who would ever thought that we both would fall for each other. Yes, you obviously liked me first as much as you want to deny that, Koay. Heh. 

Now, I have about ten months before everyone starts calling me Mrs Koay, which by the way is so weird! I may correct them and ask to call me Sarah instead. Muahaha.

That's it on our engagement dinner that we had, and may we both continue to be as true/real to each other as we are now (except for digging nose in the car :P) with each other.

*raise wine glass* TO MAY MORE YEARS AHEAD OF US!

Will You Marry Me : His Side (Part II)

Adrian Koay signing in..

Before you continue with this post, please read my Part I first boleh? Her part also you can go read first if you want..

The wait for this backpack trip felt really long. Our 12 days trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand needed a lot of planning in advance just in case you didn't know. 

The funny thing was, Ryan Yeoh and Naomi Mair both asked me if I was going to propose to Sarah during the trip. Terkejut for a moment.  

Then recently, I asked both Ryan and Naomi what made them thought like that. 

He said, "Because you rarely go on a holiday, usually Sarah go only one!"

Then, when I asked Naomi, she just said, “I got a feeling laa…”

So, Andrew and I tried to find ideas on how to propose during the trip. Then Andrew found in google saying things like Angkor Wat is one of the most romantic places in the world to do a proposal. At first, I doubted it because I didn't want Sarah and I to be both sweaty and dirty during the proposal. 

But after that, I thought why not? We are rugged like that. 

Hot sun, sweat and rough adventures are all bits and pieces of our relationship. 

The plan in the end was to go with the flow. When the timing and setting is chun, just hor ee lok! Bend down and pop the question!

Few days before Sarah, Carmen, Jack and I left for Ho Chi Minh, I met up with Andrew secretly to pass the ring work-place. Also, at the same time, to pass him the Thai Baht and USD that we change for him and Beverly. Both of them will meet us few days later in Ho Chi Minh because they have got to work. 

After passing the proposal ring to him, on my way back, I felt that something felt missing from the whole thing. So chun right, there was florist shop in front of me, so I stopped and got some roses that will last for a lifetime a.k.a. fake/plastic roses so that the rose can complement the ring. 

Oh ya, the only reason I chose to pass the ring to Andrew was to make sure Sarah doesn’t suspect anything of course. Since she likes to put things and take things from my bag, I cannot carry the ring with me, at all. Teehee.

Holidays started in Vietnam. Banh mi, pho, raincoat, coffee. Andrew and Beverly joined us two days later and he has this tukao pouch over his shoulder the whole entire time, even when he sleeps. 

Inside, the 2R. 

Ring and Roses. 

Throughout the trip, Andrew and I made a lot of those “jeng jeng jeng, you know, I know, she doesn’t know” eye contact. 

Then we stopped for few nights at Phnom Penh before heading to Siem Reap! 

The night before the proposal, Jack and Andrew kept asking me. 

“Are you ready to be a man tomorrow?” 

My answer every-time was always G!

G here, G there. GG everywhere.

We woke up really early that morning as we wanted to catch the sunrise at Angkor Wat. When we got there, there were like thousands of people standing beside the lake already. I was thinking, there must be a nicer place than that. 

To propose in front of so many people would be awkward! We walked around there but it didn't look like there was going to be another place that we could see the sunrise perfectly. 

Then, I decided that we have to do it there, by the lake. To make it not so obvious, I asked Sarah to take picture of us laughing at those people waiting for the sunrise beside the lake!

Then we headed towards the lake where the crowds were.

Not long after that, we heard people around us started saying “Woahhhh!"

Then I was like, this is it! All I need now is chun timing? So CHUN! 

When the sun came up, what everyone did was take picture right? You know la, Sarah Khoo surely wouldn’t want to miss her instagram-worthy pictures one! So, she decided to join everyone else and went ahead by the lake to snap all the shots she could.



Then Andrew signaled me. 

HOR EE LOK! 

And I did!

Knelt down on one knee on the muddy side of the lake, looking upwards for the big monster in front of me to turn her head over. No ,she did not turn back despite me calling her a few times. She was too into getting that perfect sunrise photo. So, I (actually it was Beverly's voice that she heard) called her name again and again, of course with the shiny thing on my hand. 

Tiok cheh kia terui dia!

So, I asked her the QUESTION! 

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

And I heard nothing from her.. 

She just kept closing her face or mouth nya. Then she nodded.  So I put on the ring on her second finger from the left of her left hand which was shivering pretty badly. That's when I realized that my hands were shivering too. The rest is… 

GGDOTCOM

Adrian Koay signing out..