For Husbandku.

Warning: geli-geli message incoming okay - You have been warned ah. 

This one is for my soulmate. 

Dear husbandku,

I never knew what it was like to experience true love until we tied the knot. Not to say that I did not truly love you when we were dating, but marriage has definitely opened up my eyes to what true love really means - between the both of us anyway. 

There are so many things that I am thankful for, that involves you. Of course, most of it has you in it as you are a very big part of me. 

People always say that when your children come, you tend to give less attention to your husband because your children need you more. 

Nah - my children need me for sure because they are still so young but you need me equally as much. This I know and discovered after we lost Little Dot (first pregnancy) and saw how it affected you as much as it was to me. People were more focused on me because I had to deal with the physical part of the loss but they forget to see that you needed to mourn too - but I saw that. 

From then on, I knew that my time, attention, and love have to be divided equally between our children and you - and I hope that I (somehow) managed to do that. 

I know, many times you felt that I have forgotten about you but know that I have not and I never will. It's just many times, sleep becomes a stronger temptation. Hah. 

Having to live a life with you for the past 4 years has been really interesting. I discovered many new things about you and you on me and it's "lovingly" intense to see how we have progressed on our types of arguments. 

There is a term that says something like, 'Pick your fight wisely' and I know for sure the kind of fights that I like to pick with you usually involves toothpaste cover, wet towels, and blanket. 

Now, we have up-leveled to saying things indirectly to each other through Alex or Sofia. 

"Alex, guess who never hang their wet towel again?"

In these kinds of situations, Alex will usually say, "Huh?" and it made everyone laughed. They are no longer intense arguments that could potentially blow into a bigger war. Heh. 

I love how we are both very honest with each other - in our opinions for everything. I know that I can always count on you when I needed to hear the truth though I was longing for a lie. I wanted you to tell me that I looked better with the new haircut (need to boost confidence a bit) but instead, you will tell me that it is not that nice, and gave me a pat. Heh - like friend friend ah. 

Thank you for always being true to me, and giving me that room, and trusting that I will only get stronger (and wiser) every time you feel the need to give me constructive criticism. Basically, you do not sugar coat your words and for that, I am so thankful because I can only get better. 

Living together may seem all nice and fun but the truth is, it was hard (for me at least). It was hard to leave the comfort of my own room to share a room, a limited space with you - because we both have our fair share of habits and whatnot. It was hard and stressful (at first) but I am always thankful that I got to share it with you. You are a fun room-mate for sure. Heh. 

You are also a very giving person, like when we pre-ordered our wardrobe and I insisted to choose a layout that is not very practical. You told me your opinion and I chose to ignore them. When they came to set it up, and I finally saw how not practical it was for me (for my dresses and all), you quickly came in and said that you will take that side of the wardrobe and insisted that I took yours. That is another moment that I knew I married a gold. 

Thank you for always staying committed to this relationship, to me and our little family. You give your all for us, and I know I don't always give my all for you. Sometimes, I am even at fault for adding to your work stress. I know and I am sorry. 

But you already know that the word 'sorry' is hard to come out of my mouth. So when I do, it's very precious okay. Hah. 

You must be thinking, 'why this geli-geli message today ah' - well because flowers and meals on Valentine's Day are over-priced and we are too smart to fall into paying for overpriced things on a day the whole world celebrates love. 

I celebrate you today (and everyday of course), because no matter how difficult and bumpy this road may get, I will still hold your hand until we reach our destination. I will wipe your tears (with Applecumby wet wipes because too many supplies in our storeroom - inside joke hah) and I will make you laugh when you get too stressed out okay. 

I will also remember to feed you Isotonix drinks because you need to live longer than me. Hah. 

I love you, Adrian Koay, and even though we say it to each other every day, the meaning of this words remained the same - from the first time you said it till today. 

Happy Love Day, husband oi.  

I love you, my forever. 

Marriage is Hard: Ours Included.

"Marriage is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good, but particularly when they are not. That is why we take marriage vows and not wishes"

When I say yes (three years ago) to marrying the man who is now the father of our two minis, I know I am saying yes to a lifetime with him. That being said, here is something quite personal that I would like to share because the reality is what it is and if I don't share it, then what is the point kan of this blog? 

We all know marriage is hard - but marriage becomes harder when we decided to become parents, right after getting married. We gave each other very little time to enjoy the only-two-of-us-season and this is not at all a complain. We wanted it. We wanted to start a family and with Alex, it was just lovely. 

It was challenging when Alex came into our world with some unrealistic expectations and first time having to sacrifice sleep night in and night out. 

But when Sofia came, marriage is not just hard, it was in the top list for my daily prayer. Our marriage needed help or some kind of intervention. 

I knew deep inside something was not going right in our relationship with each other and no - I am not talking about being tempted by others kind of not right - more like we were just keeping our distance to avoid getting into more disagreements that will for sure lead to arguments (be it silent or loud kind). And because of that conscious distancing away, I felt disconnected with him. It was sad. I was sad - on top of being tired physically. 

Ever since Sofia came like about 2 months ago, we both have been having more bad days then good days with each other. 

Bad days = disagreements and usage of sarcastic words that led to arguments and not nice feelings.

Good days - none of the above

So yeah. It was really hard. 

Of course it crossed my mind to go to a professional marriage counselor to iron things out. We have been to 1 when we first got married and like I always say to my close friends, everyone who is in a relationship should meet with a marriage counselor at least once because it's really an eye opener. So, we both are very open to going for another one. 

We did not in the end because we knew exactly what the problem was during our most recent argument - amazing what you can find out when both are angry - just as long as no nasty words are said. 

It really bottles down to meeting another new set of expectations and handling the stress (due to lack of sleep and time etc) and how we must sit down and realize that marriage is hard - not bad. 

We thought that second round of being a parent is easier because we have got the experience d ma right. WRONG. 

Having a second one means everything also doubled and time is halved. Make decisions also must think & discuss a few times because now it involves TWO minis. 

And every baby is different - means we cannot handle Sofia like how we handled Alex because they are both really different babies altho came from same two loves. Hah. 

We are slowly getting more good days now because we are slowly becoming more patient with each other and always trying to see from each other's perspective. 

Here is one example of how a good day can be turned into a bad day. 

I realized that often times, I needed to remind him to help me wash the milk bottles and parts of my pumping things, but he always just leave the milk bottles at the sink and it will drive me crazy. I cannot stand seeing the bottles at the sink not washed and I ended up having to wash them myself and day in day out, I find myself becoming more bitter towards it. So when we finally "argued" about it, he became more aware. Let's hope he doesn't delay in washing them bottles anymore. Heh. 

So yeah. 

There were so many times when I asked him (and him to me) if he still loves me at the end of a day. We don't even hold hands when we sleep anymore - okaylah to be fair, it is mostly because we sleep at different time now. I will fall asleep with Alex first and he will spend time with Sofia outside. Heh. 

So, since today is Valentine's Day, here is a little something for you, lifetime lover of mine. 

"I did not realize the amount of pressure that comes on us when we decided to start a family and expand it in the 3 years of being married - okay 4 years this September. And I have been letting myself getting upset with the littlest thing that doesn't really matter and if I may, I'm going to blame it all on the lack of sleep really. Because it really is. Me having very little sleep makes me a cranky wife. You know that for sure. So thank you for still holding the fort and loving me at the end of the day with milk stains all over me and probably smelled like milk too. 

Marriage is hard. parenting is also hard. And together, it is super super hard. But I am glad you are the one I got to do it with. Doing life with you - tick. 

I love you ever since we started and I will love you for the rest of my life. Yes, you better live longer than me. Heh. There are so many things that annoys me but every day, I will TRY to choose to close my eyes and walk away from it (like you always wanting to press my blackheads or when you don't hang your towels).

I cannot wait to go back to work partly because now night shifts are divided into two! HAHA. 

Bottom line is I love you and no matter how hard times are going to get, we will make it through. We will always be able to look back at it and laugh like noobs. 

I valentine you, Adrian Koay. Always will and always have. 

To marriage and to us. 

Post Wedding 4: Wedding Designs.

Adrian is a more of a chin-chai person when it comes to designs, even for our own wedding, but not for me. I need to know that I am in good hands when it comes to designs because I don't want to be looking back at my wedding photos/cards one day and not like them.

So we were extremely blessed because we had the most talented Creative Director who did all our wedding designs for us.

Anything that needed to look good, he would design it for us.

When it comes to artsy stuff, we left it to him to decide because his eyes are definitely more chun.

Oh wait, let me introduce him first.

He is none other than Tan Le Roy. I am sorry girls, he is not available anymore :)

If you would like to get him to design for you, please PM me okay :)

He asked us questions on our preferred colors, our personal styles that we like, then he managed to combine all of them and come out with all these (point below).

Now, time for you to feast your eyes :)

Thank you Le Roy for all these amazing stuff! You are very talented, I bet you already know that! 

No words can describe how thankful we are for you to agree to do this for us :)

You rock! 

:)

Post Wedding 3: Families & Friends (Part One)

I know by now so many of you are itching to see the photos and I cannot release them on Facebook yet because I haven't post them here.

So perhaps I shall do a post on the guest list now.

This was the hardest part of planning a wedding.

It does not matter if you have paid RM20,000 for a team of wedding planners to plan the perfect wedding for you because this is the one thing that both you and your partner has to do.

First, you will sit with your parents respectively and discuss on the family side invitations. Which tier and which generation are you to choose to draw that line? How many tables do you actually need to accommodate just your family members?

Then, you move onto your colleagues, friends and et cetera.

The headache for us is that we want to invite as many family members and friends that we can because we value each and everyone of you. Having all of you with us on the biggest day of our lives means so much but due to budget, we can only have so many.

So, here's an apology if you did not make it to the list and know that it's not because we don't like you. It's just we don't have enough seats for all. We're sorry. Please don't stop talking to us okay.

As much as I love being with little humans, we would not afford to invite them to our dinner because the cost is just way too much and since we'll be serving wine all night, we also thought that it will be a good night for all parents to have some sort of 'date-night' :)

With that being said, please know that for those who made it to the list, you all are very special and important to the both of us so cherish that. Hah.

We had two sessions - church ceremony in the morning and wedding reception dinner at night.

Most of those who were not in the dinner list were invited to our ceremony in the morning and some of those on the dinner list made it to the morning list too.

Perfecting the guest list was an ongoing effort, right till the night before the big day.

I remembered we came home from a family + bridesmen hangout at Macallum and mom sat down st the dining table and checked through the guest list again to only notice that 2 people who were already invited not seen in the table listing!

I STRAIGHT PANICKED BECAUSE THE TABLE LISTING WAS ALREADY COMPLETE AND PERFECT.

 I may have let our a short scream. Hah.

So, at 12am on Friday (wedding next day morning), I sat down with Vanessa at the dining room and brainstormed on the seating plan. I was not willing to open another table just to slot 2 people in. Then again, it was my mistake for overlooking the list.

Somehow, we managed to arrange and everything seemed perfect again and I had like 5-hours sleep. Adrenalin already started to pump in that time. I was going to marry my best friend please. Forever stuck with him. Hah.

Ultimately, we really want all our guests to enjoy the wedding and have fun. That's why we decided to pay RM6,000 for Jazzhats to play 3 sets of 45 minutes that night. It was way over our 'entertainment' budget but after a lot of debates and discussion, we realized now that it was worth every cent. Too bad Jazzhats didn't want to extend their time that night considering all our guests were having so much fun on the dance-floor.

So yes, here's all the photos that was captured during the morning church ceremony and wedding reception dinner at night. They are all placed randomly okay and there's a lot of them so take your time :)

Thank you all for coming and being a part of our happily ever after. For those who have wished us on Facebook and Snapchat, thank you for your well-wishes all your congratulations! We're very blessed to be surrounded by all you humans :)

Part two will come soon with all the group photos.

Bye now.